I’ve got a crush, I’ve got a thing

For this mister, fancy him

In my local fat boy slim

‘Fat boy,’ Cockney slang for gym

 

He’s my treacle, Mister Romeo

Go hardio on cardio

Go fast on him or slomio

Go hardio or homeo

 

Go faster, increase speedio

On him, I start off medio

Increase my pace if needio

on Instagram Live video

 

A crush, I’ve got a thing,

for this mister, fat boy slim

Check the haddock out on him

Like the chrome around his rim

 

Now I’m pumped, want to get physical

and ride Mr Elliptical

The sex is both reciprocal

But Adam, ain’t it typical:

 

CUSTOMER NOTICE

This machine is out of order.

We apologise for the inconvenience.

 

I get to the gym and see this sign

I think, ‘You having a bubble?

You've made a Cadbury's flake,

me old China!’

Repair date, ‘ASAP’.  Do me a favour!

Mr Elliptical,

cream crackered?!

I thought I was the only ginger beer

who likes a go on his brandy?

Mr Elliptical, you dirty James Blunt!

 

So, I go home,

and have a Barclays.