i never imagined living to this age 

and maybe that’s why it all feels so surreal 

the younger version of me lost hope so quickly 

i never planned to reach this day 

i don’t want to celebrate 

i don’t want to blow out any candles 

or open any gifts

i want to feel better 

i’m spending the couple nights before i turn twenty relapsing alone in a cold room 

there is nothing ...

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