I used to be the victim.

The result of an unfair life 

A chip on my shoulder that explained why I never went any further. 

I used to self validate my hardships 

Because no one else could possibly understand. 

A strangers disinterest pulled me further into my reclusiveness. 

I used to know that no one would ever know me. 

That with all these friends of mine no one had ever met ...

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Left alone with the demons that my vices taunt

Sometimes I lay wake at night waiting for them surfaces 

When they don’t show up on time is when I get nervous 

They must be planning something special for the girl with no life convincing herself she has purpose. 

Stockhome to the burdens I was assigned

A long long time ago when my life wasn’t mine 

Chained in my head begging t...

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Loving you to a faults degree. 

You’ll never know what loving you means to me.

A sacred bond we have somehow. 

A bond I can’t break, a vow 

Loyalty that knows no bounds. 

A loyalty you could never know.

I’m loyal but the extent is what we’ll never speak about. 

Simply put, loving you not’s simple

Loving you is not text book.

When people write of love they write so you ca...

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My heads above the water 

I’m floating on the surface 

I’m safe and the oceans still

Relieved but not naive. 

The pause in temper is what’s saving me but calm is not how you describe the sea.

The calm before the storm is a saying for a reason. 

For now I’m basking in the moment.

Maybe when it comes I won’t be with it

The only thing I know for sure is if i am this was worth ...

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Living life or standing still 

my vices are in the middle of what i’m doing and my potential 

logically I am perfect 

my actions yield the difference. 

And in between wright from wrong 

Lies the difference between myself and me

The recipe to disaster that complacency tends to weave

Knowing where you want to be is the torcher to those not driven 

The future is birthed by the...

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Sittin on the edge of where the ocean meets the sand 

And it’s high tide 

My legs are given in and my fingertips are spent 

I’m close to letting go 

In this high tide 

Hold me in your arms in case I travel far 

My legs are giving in and my fingertips are spent I thought I could hold on that the currents not as strong and now I’m almost gone in this high tide. 

Please hold me i...

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Trying to remember how to write 

Not knowing what I feel anymore

Like a dog who forgets it’s past when he finds a new home

Still struggling with the side effects 

But not knowing why

Forgetful and forgiving 

Still not getting me by

Happy and afraid 

Disappointed and ashamed 

Relieved but not convinced 

The fear that fear will take its place 

Insecure yet safe 

C...

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Anxiety 

The anxiety it kills me

Never letting up

I’m happy in my life 

More happy than I’ve been

I have everything you could ever want 

And a wonderful partner that I love too much

I’m wise beyond my years 

I’m healthy so to speak 

I’m writing less because I’m happy now 

And tragedy and sadness write and read the best

I have goals that I’m working towards 

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Side effects 

And what are the side effects of growing up so young 

Being a child but the adult 

in this house that’s not a home?

What are the side effects of the times you spent all wrong 

Staying out

Drinking late 

Then driving me home 

What are the things apart of me 

That you gave me when I was young and did what you needed to be done

Why is my head a mess

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What they say 

They say to discard the one that treats you wrong. The guy that uses you and beats you down. That first love you have when you haven’t learned the difference 

Passion or resistance

The notebook story or something different. 

That time when they begged you to leave because he everyone in the world but you knows that he’s not the one.  

The guy that gaslights and t...

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And everyone in here take just a moment to hear this if only so I could reassure myself that I’m not the only one to feel this. 

Grab your beers and pickle backs close your tabs and tilt your hats while I strum this melody that’s playing in your head.

I’d like to remember not to forget the days of magic 

Where the kids that played with matches burned their youth to ashes. 

Before we di...

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Tucked in the shadows of some apartment complex on Baymeadows that consumes itself with tonight in order to forget about their tomorrow’s. I of course are one of these blokes, that tends at the shit hole bar that serves all of these folks. Happy or content, I’m not sure I know I know the difference. See I was talking to Jeff at the bar who made me think about what I’m missing. Surely I was made fo...

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My love, 

I’ve loved before, the foo’s past drew 

But never quite this much

I’ve loved in desperation 

With cries of passion and nights of anything but 

I’ve loved blindly, those undeserving all while eyes wide shut 

I’ve loved so hard and cried so long for loving those that watched me hurt. 

Risked so much and hung on way too long 

Because that’s what a...

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Hand in hand 

Though only gripping yours 

And your grip counting twice 

The two of us holding on 

And all the lonely bastards in between and behind 

Together we revel in sadness 

Reading in the lines 

Through silent whispers that scream for lonely masters 

Gripping tighter to your hand 

The only thing worse than the darkness of lonely is feeling it alone 

Togethe...

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A letter to my ex

The one that meant the most 

This isn’t a passive aggressive passage that showcases what you lost 

I’m not here to “thank you” for all the shit you’ve done because it “taught me to be strong” no need to block the jabs you thought that I’d give out. 

I’m here to say I love you. And I’m not bitter about the past.

Hard to believe I’m sure without fearing what comes ne...

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Left alone with the demons that my vices taunt

Sometimes I lay wake at night waiting for them surfaces 

When they don’t show up on time is when I get nervous 

They must be planning something special for the girl with no life convincing herself she has purpose. 

Stockhome to the burdens I was assigned

A long long time ago when my life wasn’t mine 

Chained in my head begging to bre...

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And here it is I sit, alone again I’ll admit.

Pulled over before my stop 

Trying to convince my thumbs to jot down 

What my mouth couldn’t get

Solitude has struck me cold to many times for me count 

The nights where I beg for someone in this place I’m in to know who I am without me helping them out 

And deeming them too blind to figure me out. 

So by myself I sit, with all the...

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My heart it breaks

Never knowing what to say 

Fearing that the day I do the moment that’s to late

I guess I need to explain.

See I’m like you, we feel just the same. 

You call me to talk 

But you’ll never listen 

You must feel that I’m like the rest of them and anything I say to you is nothing but obligatory words I’d share with anyone if it wasn’t you. 

Do you not remember...

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Forever sad

Drowning in a life that wasn’t supposed to be this bad 

Dreaming of dream where these trials seem worth it

A morning painted in gold the day that my entire life becomes a memory that I’ve told

Knowing the distance quickly drifts away further from the time I convinced myself to stay

Coddling my fears of never getting out 

Remembering the days I counted the years till I...

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