It’s the weighted chest pain

That’s hardest to explain 

The interwoven, the lingering

It spins a web across everyday

It’s the fog you learn to see through

Because you can’t get away 

Never the needle in your eye

The thorn in your side

It’s the routine of soft pain 

The clingy sting for life 

It’s the dull ache

Freedom but on a leash

Your mothers kiss with teeth

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Some years ago, I realised

I am the driver of my life

And so I chose light

It was a difficult decision

More difficult than it sounds

It’s hard to know what it is to see

When there’s no darkness around

It’s easy to equate pain with feeling

To attach pain to being 

And so I never ran from the dark

I marched towards it

Let it smoke my heart

Instead, it was alw...

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I still remember

Cold faces in my bedroom

Smiling women in the dark

Slicked hair, teeth sharp

I still remember

The man whose legs

Popped out from under my bed

And I screamed

Broad daylight was frightening

Heart speeding, head beating

The men who moved closer towards me

All I could do was freeze

I’d stare back

With sucked breath, shaking knees

Day afte...

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Five years ago flew by

Now, already remote

The rolling of the years

They’re already afloat

Your past self

Already a ghost

When you stand still

You begin to grieve your previous skins

Wonder why you had to forget and kill

Old personalities just to multiply new

So, you cling on to specific moments

Promise not to forget, you never will

But it is not uniqu...

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Something speaks from beyond 

Something writhes alive

In each of us

Something pulls and breathes

Beyond our touch 

They call it instinct

But it is magically distinct 

And can lead, lead, lead 

To something in your core

They call it power of the brain 

But it’s so much more 

It cannot be explained away 

It cannot be spoken out of existence 

They call it the mi...

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I’ve been working on

Coming back from

The dead

Realising reality

Living in this world

Becoming me

I don’t have to know who I am

But I must know that I am

I am, I am, I am

I don’t have to know what I am

To deserve to be

I’m working on being,

Just being

Because I’ve been existing

Mindless, automatic, numb

Best autopilot, me

Coming back from the dead

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