Poetry Blogs (2010, despair)

You ask if I believe in God...
How can I not?

To deny my Father
means I leave my existence
to some 30 year old predator
who impregnated a girl half his age
and left her to raise their child
in the wilderness, among wolves 
that feed on loneliness and despair.

Without my Father, I would never know
that after suffering comes deliverance,
pain leads to compassion,
forgiveness breaks b...

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God is watching over us,
They say.
When we feel afraid,
Grateful or anxious,
We look to the sky
For reassurance,
Hoping for protection,
Consideration,
Or tender mercy.

Hope lies only in the sky.
Fear burrows under our feet.
The lost wanderer is afraid
To look down and advised to look up.

So believers are blessed
With good posture.

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Mortality stalks me 
like a jealous lover.

Breathlessly follows me
wherever I go, incessantly
banging a gong, 

chanting, 

it won't be long, 
come to me, let 
the pain end.

My eternal soul sees
this game of mortal gods 

and challenges me

to go where mortals
fear to tread...

Meditate in silent space
past the black hole,

beyond illness,
depression, despair

to that ...

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Too much reality 
can burn a hole
through your soul.

I prefer to temper it
with rose colored glasses,
as you know.

With my glasses on
I can see past the ego
to the wounds at
war within.

I can see that the
past, present, and
future are all 
an illusion...

created for one purpose

to tell the story
of how we want to 
show up in this world. 

I can see beyond 
resistance,...

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Passion consumed 
eventually fades.

Passion capped 
pursues us 

beyond the grave.

This revelation 
helps me understand,

our encounter was 
never about us.

It was about our muses
intertwined in the 

world of words.

We were denied 
the lasting passion
we searched for

so we could write 
our soul songs

for seekers 
to see

the ectasy 
and despair

that accompan...

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There you are beaming 
at everyone you meet
posting highlights,
keeping it together. 

But, I see your soul scars...
loneliness, heartbreak,
disappointment, addiction,
depression, despair...

It's enough to turn
most souls to dust.

But not us.

Diamonds are made from 
coal under pressure.

Show your scars,
keep the faith,
and shine on.

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It's easier to believe
I am a child of the most high God
than to live a life of despair.

It's easier to believe
everything happens for a reason
than to question fate.

It's easier to believe
love is everywhere
than to give in to hate.

It's easier to believe
in forgiveness
than remain a victim.

It's easier to believe
in abundant blessings
than mounting problems.

It's easier ...

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Life, a word in silence...

just as the whisper

of an absent wave

Night falls,

unable to grasp the vehement screams of plight;

bitter hope, as the hours,

pass inert

Exiled memories;

yesterday’s forgotten,

today’s furtive

At this hour, which I did not choose,

tombs bloom under the bloody grass,

knotting my tears

amidst indifferent glances

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In the Halls of Knowledge

The Great Men shared their wisdom

With emperors, kings, monarchs, and generals.

Great women shared their insights and guidance, too,

But their words are stored in different wings of the Great Hall.

It was the Great Men who laid the foundations

For civilisation, for democracy, for tyranny,

Architectural planning, sewage, and war.

It was the Great Me...

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When I wonder what's wrong
When I think whats going on
A Voice said 'this is what you did
Not much love exists to feed.
Tides will not change the future
Might just believe it, forever
Believed that the eyes I see
Truth in them will set me free.
Taking a huge dose of the drug
Never know what's beneath the rug
Chemical changes inside me
They will not let me be.
Let me be the free bird fl...

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The Imperfect Gardener

Someone once said, long ago or last week,

that it's futile on a finite and populous planet

to seek a truth, or a finely polished apple,

in the still-life-on-canvas we daily behold,

and by such uncouth behaviour

we are mostly confounded, and fail to grapple.

So we're prisoners here, in uncounted millions,

unable to leap high or fast enough to...

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Trepidatiously the wings of a bird may sway,

Breezing through the air with shallow willows,

Gushing in and out of the crevice created by my mind.

Oh but the wind does not sway this elegant being,

It may be pushed but seldom unbalanced,

I seek the feathers.

Though the sky’s mouth may gape above and scatter its light,

The bird will remain in a secular path,

As thoug...

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Yesterday, the sun shone black upon my soul

Depth's depth deep beneath my heart.

Lumined ne'er by hope

Thoughts sank weighted low

Today, dawn'd, in heaven's mantle rais'd,

Glims golden future in my mind.

Light lightened all by future faith

Heart, mind and soul exalting up

Her voice love levered up, returned it from the depths

Dark voids where happiness was stra...

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In the air, the pallor rises showing faces of wrath,

breathing shame in light of a complex coalition of schemes;

a sudden fury appears discreetly under the crying

and the world indifferent...

Amazed glances are exchanged;

the impertinent silence is not tolerated ...

while the inventory of gifts continues

buying those in olive green uniforms, governments and judges

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Bag Of Bones

Please let me introduce myself -

my name is Billy Jones.

You might know me better

as that useless bag of bones

that gets under your feet

when you’re staring at your phones,

planning all your creature comforts

on extortionate pay day loans.

Well I was once like you my friend,

I haven’t always been alone

huddled up in corners

where the autumn lea...

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Very surely I’ve been remiss
To imagine you, darling, like this!
Oh, the melded hours have cruelly conspired
To strand me in ecstasies of longing—which I so desired!—
To abandon me to oceans of thoughts of your kiss—
It’s a breathless caress, plunged in the shuddering abyss;
Oh, darling, what bitter elation—what horrible bliss!

I’ve made lists which contain nothing but your name!
And of ...

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Unrequited love is the destruction of the heart

It is walking across an endless desert occupied with faded mirages that show you beauty like never before

Constantly consumed by its wonder, constantly consumed by the despair for your love for it

She is the mirage, you are the lonley aching fool in an endless desert

You are the one slowly suffocating by the boundless intesity of what you...

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This Is England

the empty cardboard

coffee cup groans with hunger

eyes to eyes to anything

that isn’t eyes

clothes that itch with dirt

the taste of yesterdays soup

settles against teeth

sleep is the enemy

dulling your hopes of escape

if the spiteful arrive

with mean intentions

and brown leather boots

head bowed against the world

not looking ...

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You stand before an empty horizon,

The silhouette of the trees running sharply across the bottom of the sky,

Eyes fixed on those soulless, black shapes in the distance.

Your gaze wonders up – slowly. The sky transforms before you

From the light into the dark.

The moon hangs – trapped in the dawn of engulfment,

The ground beneath you is dim – stretching to meet the light.

...

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Is it expelled already

all that was breathed in?

soaked

ingested

absorbed

Less came forth

than was consumed

the remainder

trapped

cerebrally marooned

Disappointed by expression

austerity ensues 

an intelligence recession

giving birth to rolling news

This degradation in thought

its downward spiral cast

seems never dammed or caught

if...

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(If Mother Earth could speak...)

I’m the first light of dawn setting fire to the skies,

the awe that ends with a soft, sated sigh.

I’m the slow, gentle sway of ancient, lofty trees,

branches of life filled with wonders to be.

I am sands and seas; a warm summer breeze

blowing soft, whispered tunes over ever-changing dunes.

I am stars in the heavens sailing high overhe...

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I slide down a rope
     into the empty chasm 
          which is your cold heart. 
I light a fire 
          in the depths of your despair. 
You hate me anyway. 
It rains. 
An ocean is born; 
          it swallows me whole. 
Darkness engulfs me. 
Surrounded by other misguided souls. 
I feel their cages; 
     I discover mine. 



NOTE: I wrote this at age 15. I have edited it since, but I think it'...

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I sat beside you on that fateful day,

As they sutured your wrists in A&E,

Their failure to keep you safe,

Was no failure of ours or me,

For try as we may to get you help,

Their ears were as deaf as their eyes,

Now we sit..... in our tortured state,

In the hollow your passing creates,

You will always be with us inside our hearts,

For as long as our minds wi...

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My heart has turned to ashes 
At the sight of this home. 
Returning home to a homecoming?
Instead, I find a dead wasteland.

A house turned to rubble and dust 
What has happened to this once great place? 
This graveyard that was once called a home 
Is a result of my anger.

Sitting in the ashes 
Nowhere else to go
I came back far too late 
The guilt starts to build up inside.

How much di...

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Tally one for days past,

At present still remembered.

Nil for today, at last,

For your presence it still lingers.

My dreams are full of you,

And In my waking hour, you echo,

There is naught for me to do,

Save hope you let me let go.

I stay awake at night,

Because when sleep comes it seems,

I must concede my plight.            

You are the girl of my dream...

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The sun is always there

you used to say

there behind the clouds

waiting to break through.

I hung on those words.

And now I wish you were here

so that I could show you

how outside the rain’s been falling

for longer than I remember

day after day after day

and the skies are grey and heavy

the streets run with water

the fine clothes we were so proud of

...

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Or watched her go about her day, 

In a pleasant kind of way,

And realize that you are happy too,

Just because she laughs with you.

And know that if she were to ask,

You would accept her any task,

And do it with unblinking speed,

If only it was you she’d need.

Have you ever known such despair?

To always have an angel there,

Who gives meaning to each passing d...

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It is dark out there,

Where did the light go?

I can't see a thing,

But can feel the snow.

And the temperature is dropping,

Twenty below.

And my sister stopped moving,

And mother is slow.

Father has gone,

To where, I don't know.

And it is dark out there,

And still the wind blows.

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The scalded soldiers

Slid over the top

Of the parched peak; waved,

Awaited the pop

Of reflexed wretchings -

The wretched allure;

Sweet shelling shrapnel

So bitter and pure.

Then dinning quiet but

Cliched tweeting; the

Eery aftermath

Of gorge filled eating.

The troops fall silent

'Til cries ring out and

Once more the trenches

Filled with d...

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They say that some people can attain justice, but...

how can there be equity if justice is not blind, it has open eyes and points its finger?

without a clear alphabet , without free will, as so ordered by the commander of staggered dawns

False testimony multiply in front of their hands, to in...

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Murderous daggers of madness shoot from his eyes.
Eyes hollow, dark revenge.
Skin blue, his shape shifting.
Turning into a form I know not who.
I search desperately for any hint of the man I thought I knew so well,
Nothing but a slippery cold creature who has no love to give.
Scurrying back into his black hole, to fester with dark satanic demons. 

Howl to the moon
Howl to the sun
Howl t...

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Jaded lasting tedium

beset with gloomy cape

More I try ridding off

seems stuck at nape

Tattered and misshapen

the vilely kind of garb

Root cause for despair

inviting many a barb

Donned inadvertently

as cover up sort drape

From all harsh realities

 when I sought escape

Ever since it stayed on

not even once removed

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did I ever say I was “good people”?

some days I miss the hasty shouting

the crack of fist on salted cheekbones

better that than the nauseous choice

of considered upholstery or designer phones

never weather appropriate, rather, accident

ripped and bleeding, waiting for some other

and days my head will fill with men of war

always in shock yet mostly in awe

a...

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I loved you once as deeply as any man could Will
and, if the darkest truth were known,
in my heart I love you truly still
Though the distance that lies between us
 may seem so very far apart
space and time will not unbind
the aching, raging heart
So farewell my love and lover once
and, as lovers ever true,
we will live and laugh and love again
like lovers that are new

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Somewhere, the 9 till 5 office worker stops me with a deadpan stare,
Fixes me with the times of timetables passed, the graph paper squares
Of tomorrow’s schedule. The high-rise offices never bother to look down.

I never liked the city.

Never really cared
for the city’s callousness, its daily suicide,
the shadow at the top of each building that watches with certainty.

C...

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Turn eyes!

Pretend I'm not here!

Do not look at me with disgust.

Laziness

is not the reason I am here.

Some a job's loss to be in

my shoes.

This is a more cameo style poem.

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`

Be numb to me
get off your knee
cease from demeaning
my esteem for you
with your lucid hate

the hourglass leaks

coloured sand pours
rainbow streaked tears
where the rains bleached
this sunburnt heart
with the acid of your disdain

these wearied hands

no longer reach for yours
your reflection is marred
and the mirror put away
leave me...

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