eyyup guys thanks for the comments, i'm happy to hear you liked the poem.

the reason for the elipses is because i wrote the poem on my mobile phone and had to make seperate txt drafts, but i see your point steven.

janet - on reflection i think you're right about the lion image. i included it because of the pride involved in having a merc, but maybe taking out the lion bit will make it more powerful. will think about that one, thank you.

cheers winston, i'm glad you enjoyed it! had a midnight poetry reading session?

Comment is about autumn evening journey (blog)

Original item by owen calvert

I'd probably just get rid of the elipses...

But this is good - spare and precise, and the language exact and unsentimental.

Comment is about autumn evening journey (blog)

Original item by owen calvert

Stripped of Summer, being left in the cold, this really feels quite wintry.
Makes me feel like warming it up a little which might well be the intention here.
Not sure of the 'like a bald lion'.
I don't think it needs it but your poem, your choice, I just found it a bit distracting from the image :-)
Descending the stone stairs etc.. is a great stanza and the whole thing is an interesting read with good imagery in my opinion.x

Comment is about autumn evening journey (blog)

Original item by owen calvert

great stuff Owen. enjoyed. Esp 'crumbling themselves away'
and your ending. Win x

Comment is about autumn evening journey (blog)

Original item by owen calvert