My parents watch me, with knowing eyes, from across the room 

Each time I take a bite I can feel my mother exhale in relief 

Because today is a better day 

But I cannot promise her that tomorrow will be as well 

 

The worry bleeds across her loving face, when I lose the day to sleep and exhaustion 

The concern lodges in my father's brow when my answer to the question, "are you okay?"

Is merely a whisper 

"Yes" I tell him 

Hoping that he cannot hear the lie in my small word 

 

I will heal eventually 

Old wounds evolving to scar tissue 

That act as a scrapbook on this body 

Of where I am now 

In progress 

 

There has been six bad days 

In a row 

Six bad days when the world inside my head was ending 

Six bad days when I had no reason to get out of bed 

Six bad days when the sobbing left me empty and drained and dry 

I could have flooded towns 

 

But on this one better day, it's not so bad 

And it is on these few better days when I am grateful to my core 

 

For my mum, who begs me to eat more than a handful of almonds 

For my dad, who knows I am not quite myself, but reminds me I am still his little girl 

For my sister, who knows therapy isn't something I'm ready to talk about yet 

For my friends, that stick around when I disappear when the going gets tough 

My reliance on them is borne out of trust

 

Be patient with me 

I'm learning how to swim after drowning for so long 

But it is the immensity of the ocean, that I fear so deeply