Auntie Fanny's funeral day oh my god what a to do 
They had all thirty stone of her, all dead for all to view 
I never knew she had a mustache little billy said 
at that his dad took off his cap and slapped him on his head 

When the cortege started off, the back tired on car went pop 
forcing all the traffic in Liverpool to come to a stop 
Then as if it could not get no worse it and well truly did 
instead of lowering gently her coffin it all sort of slid 

Ba-bang it fell into the hole all by standers got covered in mud 
its a good job it was a solid box made of sturdy wood 
Each person then shed a pretend tear, all put on for show 
next off to the will reading the greedy buggers did go 

To whom it may concern said Fred I will tell you what you got 
My brother Tom I leave to you my 1920's piss pot 
to all my little nephews I leave you my gall stone jar 
and to my husband Harry I leave the debt on my new car 

The reading went on for an hour, everyone was so miffed off 
What a tight old bugger, said Mary with a cough 
Next went to the pub, had ham butties and a little jar 
they toasted Fanny's memory shouting. What a tight bugger you are