A hundred or so Years ago
Dark Came chancing
With a ripper's knife
Came he dancing taking life
Deftly in that midnight hour
Came the stripping
Then the ripping
Just as lightly he was flitting
Into the darkness
After slitting snow white breasts
Plump pleasuring flesh
Dr Death awaits concealing
A heart
A womb congealing
Watching bloody 'neath hissing Lamp
Streaming steaming in its sulphurous light
Murdered screaming into the dead of night
Gus
I agree with Cynthia - lots of devices to heighten the effect, but so well done that I didn't notice them when I read it - only after I'd read her comment and checked it out. Clever work, Gus.
Also pleased you enjoyed my trip to the dentist - a lot of effort went into those rhymes!
Yes Old Jack was a bit of a lad Isobel... Hope I don't spoil a good nights sleep... oh the very thought!...thank you for commenting....
Cynthia
Thank you so much for your wonderful and discriptive comments and yes myth always builds up mood and as a consequence ...flashes the spark and a poem is penned.
Once again so many thanks for your very kind words.
Gus x
Jack came dancing back again in the 80's, his last victim taken from the block of flats where I lived as a student. This brings back a few memories... You have struck the mood brilliantly, as Cynthia says. If only we could understand such evil?
The Master of Mood strikes again. Your choice of vocabulary is superb, the deliberate contrasts that heighten horror, the internal rhyming. Your craft in combining these words is marvellous - making sheer music play through your lines by using all the finest 'poetic techniques'. The innocuous 'dead of night', such a cliche, is a striking clincher. Oh, so clever, Gus.
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Gus Jonsson
Sat 10th Apr 2010 09:54
Thank you John
Yes I often wonder how many of our merry band here on WOL bother to study construction beat and tap out the rhythm. Painting words to a drama or a scene.
I used to set workshop sessions years ago, but now I just play with myself.
By the way I hope your teeth are nicely settled and safely in a glass beside your bed as we speak.
Thanks again
Gus