The world's fattest newspaper came today

20 lbs. of ads for Black Friday sales

Black Friday sounds so sinister and dark

you'd think they'd call it something more positive

but I guess you can't say White Friday

you would be branded a racist

anyway 20 lbs. of ads is a lot of paper

it took a wagon and two neighbor kids

to get it off the driveway and through the door

when I unfolded it there they were in all their glory

a plethora of ads for everything

from appliances to Christmas underwear

all telling me to take advantage of this once a year event

to buy and buy like there was no tomorrow

after all doesn't Christmas mean you need to go into debt

buying stuff for people who will forget in a couple of days

what they got and where it is

maxing out your credit card is our Christmas tradition

 

I however, will celebrate from my hospital bed

since I tore something internally trying to lift the paper off the table

and they say I won't be through with rehab until after Christmas

so my advice is

don't handle the newspaper that holds the Black Friday ads

you may get a hernia

or pull something that should not be pulled

in the meantime I guess I'll just lay here and watch the hospital TV

with all those ads for drugs with mean and nasty side effects

and names you can't pronounce

 

at least now I know why they call it Back Friday

that damn newspaper should come with

a warning label.