I hope this finds you somehow

on a train 

or walking to a lecture 

or waking up to the sound of the clocktower 

 

I hope somehow it finds you 

So I can tell you 

without saying a word at all 

 

I miss you like hell

and I love you to pieces

 

I didn't mean for this to happen 

 

I could call 

but I think hearing your voice would still hurt

I could text or write 

but missing you is an exhausting game 

and there's something about the anonymity of the internet that makes everything easier to say 

 

You might never read this 

You might read it twice or five times 

You might read it in twenty years 

or tonight 

 

You should know that this feels wrong 

Being distant with you 

We've only ever done it once in these many years 

 

It's like I've lost my right arm 

writing with my left doesn't feel normal 

I thought you should know 

 

I said I needed time 

I don't know how long that will be 

 

Until then

I'll just pray 

That somehow this finds you 

and I find my way back to us, too 

If God is on my side, then we will be okay 

 

so, 

all my love, 

Your Cait