the Visitor

[Poem or not, I present to you, . . . ]

the Visitor

You are visiting your friends up on the 45th floor.
[One of the larger cities. Stretch your imagination.]
The elevator stops at 7. The door opens. A short being, covered by a king size, black cotton sheet,
slitted for eyes, steps on.
The door closes. The elevator continues up.
This hidden person(?) turns to you before pressing a button.
You look down and observe blood pooling beyond the sheet's edge.

Please choose a), b), c), d) or your own.

a) You say "What floor do you want?" or "Want me to call 911?"
or "Pardon me for staring."
b) "Geez. I just peed myself."
"This is not halloween and you're not crazy, right?"
c) "You got 5 seconds to make a sound or I will fuckin' rip you to
shreds."
d) "The spirit work is paying off. Hell visits, and I see what I
want. Inhale, exhale, inhale, . . ., smile and relax."
your own)

f

◄ "Hey Woman"

Spirit BackPack ►

Comments

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Fred Nicholson

Wed 23rd Oct 2019 17:59

Vautaw, thank you for contemplating choices offered in 'the Visitor'.
I totally agree the response depends on one's mood.

I will rework this piece to make it a more succinct composition.

I saw myself being all those characters, calm, fearful and aggressive.
Within us lives the capacity to exhibit multiple avenues of emotion, we're not yet aware of.

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Don Matthews

Wed 23rd Oct 2019 03:51

Vautaw, dark and curious
Going for the ride
Unsure of what might happen
Hesitant inside

Will I meet my maker?
At the end of ride
Or will this strange-like visitor
End dead, right at my side

(Thalia: He thinks it's Halloween Vautaw...)

😎

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Vautaw

Wed 23rd Oct 2019 03:18

Choose your own ending poem. Clever. Engaging. I like it! As for my answer, it depends on my mood. First instinct would be to push the open door button and get off the elevator! In a caring mood, "A" are you okay? Spiritual mood, "C"... But, in my dark and curious mood, I would go for the ride to see what happens next! 🎃

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Fred Nicholson

Tue 22nd Oct 2019 01:22

Emilia and Don, I thank you both.
Emilia, thank you for suggesting I revisit 'the Visitor' and potentially rewrite this (maybe) poem, which I intend to do.
Don, thank you for keeping me on my toes, and helping to expand my poetic knowledge. The 2 definitions that follow were copied directly from Google. I did not add my own language.

from 'yourdictionary'(dot)com
poem Play po·em

Licensed from iStockPhoto
noun
The definition of a poem is a collection of words that express an emotion or idea, sometimes with a specific rhythm.


fron google(dot)com
po·em
/ˈpōəm,pōm/
Learn to pronounce
noun
a piece of writing that partakes of the nature of both speech and song that is nearly always rhythmical, usually metaphorical, and often exhibits such formal elements as meter, rhyme, and stanzaic structure.

Similar:
something that arouses strong emotions because of its beauty.
"you make a poem of riding downhill on your bike"

Don, neither of the above (word for word) definitions include 'gobbledygook', so I may have to search elsewhere. 😃

Again, thank you both, folks.
f

Emilia Callahan

Mon 21st Oct 2019 23:59

Don, I think a piece only stating "gobbledygook" would lie somewhere along the lines of a piece of art that has only a single line running through the canvas, or a single shape on it. Pieces of art like that also spark arguments on if the piece is considered art, and what is considered acceptable art vs. not. I do think poetry is more than just rhyming, verse structure, etc.

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Don Matthews

Mon 21st Oct 2019 13:48

Emilia/Fred

If I accept your definition of 'poetry'

Poetry is a very free art form, so the guidelines are pretty loose - and as you mentioned, the goal is to stir the reader's imagination and emotions.

Then anything which 'stirs the imagination and emotions' qualifies.

Therefore if I were to write 'gobbledegook', provided it stirs the imagination and emotions it would qualify as 'poetry' according to your definition. Yes? No meter, rhyme, scansion etc. I believe they are calling this rapidly emerging art form New-Age poetry. I happen to see a sample on WOL some time back. It got rave reviews. But sadly missed out on POTW.....

Emilia Callahan

Mon 21st Oct 2019 13:30


Fred, I would agree with the google definition you found in regards to defining what "poetry" is. I graduated with a degree in creative writing and in many classes we discussed this very same thing. Poetry is a very free art form, so the guidelines are pretty loose - and as you mentioned, the goal is to stir the reader's imagination and emotions. Upon a revision of this poem, it might be worth it to look into the kokology Ruth has mentioned, and perhaps even expand the poem a little by providing more "choices".

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Fred Nicholson

Fri 18th Oct 2019 19:26

Hi Don,
In your biography you note 4 people that influence you.
Comparable messengers have influenced me also.
I listen, hear and act upon the wisdom,
of those in the know.
f

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Fred Nicholson

Fri 18th Oct 2019 17:21

Ruth,
I don’t understand the two questions, so don’t know how to answer them.

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Fred Nicholson

Fri 18th Oct 2019 16:23

Emilia,
I like your definition of this format as a 'Goosebumps version of poetry!' When our actions inspire others to expand, it's like the ripple effect of a pebble tossed into still water.

Trying something new, is what explorers do.
Thank you for your comment Emilia.

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Fred Nicholson

Fri 18th Oct 2019 16:10

Don,
one Google definition states 'poetry is a type of literature, or artistic writing, that attempts to stir a reader's imagination or emotions'.
Did this piece stir my imagination and emotions? Yes.

I am not versed in what 'Real' poetry is, as I have never taken a writing class. As such, I don't have knowledge of 'conventional construction guidelines', which is fine with me. A mentor said, "Fred, you are a writer. Sit down and write", and I did.

You may conclude 'the Visitor' is not poetry because it doesn't fit within the confines of a contemporary definition. That is fine. No argument from me. Chastise on!

Don, the four plus 1 choices are all me. Even the sheeted one blooding the floor is me. Why limit myself to one or another? 😎

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Ruth O'Reilly

Fri 18th Oct 2019 16:01

Does our answer mean anything then Fred? Or just an enquiry?

I meant when you said choose A) or B) or C) I was wondering if you were going to tell us what it told you about our personality.

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Fred Nicholson

Fri 18th Oct 2019 15:48

Ruth, I have never heard the term 'kokology' before you just mentioned it. Your response to Don has defined a new word to me. Thank you.

Emilia Callahan

Fri 18th Oct 2019 13:52

I like the format of this. It's like a Goosebumps version of poetry! Such a unique idea. I think you've just inspired me to try something new with my work 😃

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Ruth O'Reilly

Fri 18th Oct 2019 10:06

Don, it's a Japanese game of mind and spirit where your true self is apparently revealed through innocent questions. I used to do a blog on another site ages ago, where I would do lots of these type of quizzes, it was always very popular. Google it for more info.

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Don Matthews

Fri 18th Oct 2019 09:45

I know you converse with the stars Ruth. This kokology stuff sounds a bit outer spaceish. You been communicating with the aliens? 😎

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Don Matthews

Fri 18th Oct 2019 09:33

Talk about a horror situation Fred
You've gotta be writing about you
(Of course not the sheeted one blooding the floor)
The one who don't know what to do

I see you gave yourself four choices
I'm interested in which one you chose
Then again it might just be a horror dream
Which you laughed off when you did arose


Serious now.

I have had this argument before on what is and isn't poetry. When I 'chastised' someone before on what I did not regard as 'poetry' I was told any form of prose is welcome on WOL. I disagree. This is a poetry site, is it not? and to me any writing, be it prose or rhyme, should bear the 'construction guidelines' of poetry.

If I want to read anything-goes stuff I'd pick up the newspaper. Good quality uplifting stuff.

So, poem or not Fred, I present my reply.

Thalia says but your reply IS a poem Don 😎

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Ruth O'Reilly

Fri 18th Oct 2019 09:21

This is interesting Fred is it kokology? I would say a

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