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Train of thoughts...

You don't know the title of something until you start writing it.

Same goes for life. You gotta start (writing), trying new things, exploring life's available opportunities. Do the dirty work until you finally land on something that you love and go for it.

I might try this or that, but I still might not have found "the thing." If you feel you're in the same boat, the only way to find your way out is to rock that boat. You have to get shaken out of your comfort zone. Do new things. Things you've NEVER done before. 

Staying small is staying the same. You'll also stay in the same small pond you're stuck in and you don't have ores.

When you do something you've NEVER done before, your sacrificing your pride (finally) to be humbled enough to take the risk of failure while at the same time, admitting you are a failure. Success' definition as we all consider it, is lacking in some truths.

The definition of success is simply being able to still brave life and chose a humble heart toward life, one that accepts responsability, and doesn't play a victim. Victims are the people too proud to change. Their a victim of their own pride. The are in denial so they don't have to admit that they need to change in order to succeed. 

Getting to success takes admitting that yes, I make mistakes, I'm not perfect, but I HAVE AND AM ENOUGH because I accept that what I have and who I am in life is not perfect. Accepting I am enough means I accept who I am isn't perfect. I allow myself to be free. The truth sets you free. And the truth is that I'm not perfect. I do have pride, pain, self-insecurities, self-doubt, and shame. Because I was taught that I don't measure up by every influence of standards around me, instead of knowing MY standards. My standards and believes can be different than the whole world. I stand alone. 

I cleaned for a client who was so in love with money that they left notes around the house about abundance, one hundred dollar bills framed and hung on the walls, and a framed chinese symbol of prosperity. They didn't really tip, but would have this cocky attitude in front of us saying they should have one the lottery and then bad talk a politition while clearly contradicting himself.

I told you that because back then, seeing that just made me think to myself. Wow, how can someone act so condacenting towards us, just because you're rich and like feeling better than other people....like mere cleaning gals? If you feel the need to point out how your better than someone by pointing to financial differences, then okay. But the way I see it is that You and I are on the same spinning top in the universe and compared to everything and everyone that has ever existed, you and I are the SAME. You're not bigger than me, you're as smaller than a speck in the universe. Not seeing others as equals makes you uninlightened. And while at the same time your pride keeps you puffed up on cash, that pride keeps you in a blinder so you can't see true riches. Slave. If you humble yourself then you will see. If you admit it's true you're not perfect, and you are no better, the love that comes from accepting oneself at that level causes it to heal you and then once it has healed you, you start helping to heal others.  If the whole world just let go of pride and greed and admitted they sucked and they accepted themselves as ENOUGH. So many things would change. If our world leaders are not enlightened, their pride will keep us all suffering. There is too much corruption. And ultimately it's because people are in the dark. I scoff at you because you're making life hell for others while you pretend you're enough...in fact if you really were you wouldn't be stealing and cheating the masses for your deadlines at work.

I know, I'm a part of making that hell. All of us need to accept that we are ALL apart of a chain of influence in our world. The less powerful are less responsible (child orphins), the more responsible you are, the more influnece you have (CEOs, politicians), so you need to handle it responsibly, with wisedom. What you do matters because your life influences more people. People who are good should move up the chain of influence, but when they do corruption sweeps them away. Like the birds on the path. If we want to see the change we want to see in the world we would start with the person in the mirror. Thanks, Glen Ballard. If we all did that, it would work. If a good person climbed the ladder of influence, but had the backs of good people, would work.

True riches with others is working together in unision to a similar goal for all humans, with no judgementalism or shame. I think that when Jesus said, "The kingdom of heaven is near," he meant that if we all humbled ourselves, we would all be great together and find peace on earth (he's the price of peace).

But a heart with a richness in the physical gains/greed, your worth is a based on a competition with others. It hurts me when I hurt others. I don't want that. But when we allow that to happen, it dehumanizes ourselves. I get it, I'm a driven person myself and I have a desire to be finantially independent, but I believe that a person's worth is not in what they have or "who" they are. Each of us are the same because we all came into the world naked. It doesn't matter who has what, we were all given different amounts and different things/opportunities.

On the other side, IF YOU BELIEVE that you are smaller or less worthy than others, that's not true at all. But the way we are raised and every single piece of influence in your life from the age of zero to now, it's given you your expectations on what is considered "worthy." If you live your life and you view yourself as unworthy in some way, is it becuase it doesn't match up with the taught expectation? Ask yourlsef, is it an expectation? Also make sure to ask, is this others voices, or is it my own? If it is my own, would I say something else?

What memories do you have in your past that you havn't forgotten? Why did they stand out, what emotions were involved with that memory, and what does it show you as the person you are today? Now, were these events a definition of how we interpret and give meaning to the world?

Humbled people, who want to talk and heal the world, will you be the meek to inherit the world? Yes, because the prideful will die uninlightened to truth. Because a prideful person will not become a child and know nothing again. Pride is protection to stay the same and not have sight.

The meek must rise together to make change. If you feel stuck, then do something new that you've never done before in your life, something your heart desires and dreams. Because doing something you've never done before and working toward greatness helps you believe in yourself. And that courage will be needed when you face self-doubt. You'll rise and you'll keep rising.

And what about our NO. 1 four-minute mile hero. When Jesus rose from death, while NOT a sinner, that meant he conquored it's grip. If God is for you, who can be against you? Since you are worthy of desires just like person on the earth, then I believe in myself as worthy and I won't not take opportunities when they come my way. I've commited self-sabatauge twice in my life, no three times or more.

I'm learning to overcome my own inner conflicts, and I'm trying to dig up the answers to defiine my influence, my voice, style, feelings, and desires. By playing small you stay small. I don't believe I'm small, so I'm gonna play large. The biggest saboteur in our lives is ourselves, and you're the only one who will allow opportunities pass you by.

rise up

◄ Dear NF

If I were a memory ►

Comments

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raypool

Thu 1st Aug 2019 18:27

Hi Megan. I have read your every word. No it doesnt pretend to be poetry. There can be several reasons for posting on here and many suffer by it from shallow comments who miss the value of free expression. defending some mechanical and delusional thinking. I can see you'll never be one such person. What is significant here is the
Spirit of your writing warts and all(not such a problem. You have a big heart and a great sense of proportion and I profoundly agree with your thoughts uplifting and inspirational I found it. The matter of victims is highly important and necessarily the ones who sense them can abuse them. Such people are in a trap of karma I'd say. Gotta stop meals ready!! Stay in touch.
Ray

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Megan Hantz

Thu 1st Aug 2019 15:19

Next time I hire an editor I'll think of you. ? (I wasn't the BEST speller as a kid growing up :/ ) Look, I'm a recovering perfectionist, so letting go of not being perfect so I can create and flow is more important to me now.

And dude, why do you think it was titled, "train of thoughts....." that's exactly what happened, that's obvious. I don't want to not see what good feedback you have though... I should post more poetry.

I do appreciate your feedback. But I did have someone message me personally letting me know of your comment and that I had the right to write whatever I wanted. People can come here and take what they want and leave what they want. I can't say I'm sorry I disappointed you because I didn't meet your expectations, but I will consider your thoughts and thank you for the appreciating other things.

My freedom of speech won't be kept just in a poetry box, but if I want to write poetry or songs I sure will. (The button does say, "blog post," not poetry post.")
If me writing this helps you get out of your comfort zone and challenges your perfectionism by seeing every flawed spelled word of mine, then maybe that's okay.

*You do have a valid point. To be in the big league, one should hire an editor and play by the rules, that's totally correct. Where I'm at on my journey is for a different reason. I'm not here to be polished and perfect, I'm here to write out loud, and I'm putting my ugly, raw, imperfect self in front of others.

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Don Matthews

Wed 31st Jul 2019 10:00

Megan - I have a problem with this. Write Out Loud is a poetry site and this is not a poem. It is one long monologue which goes on and on and on which after the first few lines I couldn't be bothered with.

Having said that I like your attitudes. Try new things, get out of your comfort zone. Just post poems. It is not a site for story telling.

Boats have oars not ores
responsability - spelling
believes - don't you mean beliefs?
condacenting - spelling
influnece - what is this??
becuase - spelling
unision - spelling
finantially - spelling
havn't - spelling
conquored - spelling
sabatauge - spelling
defiine - spelling

Playing large Megan is fine but you have to play it correct otherwise people will not take any notice of you. E.g. don't post errors like this, and not long monologues on a poetry site.

You have good ideas - use them well......

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