Mid-Summer Monsoon, Pantoum

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The merchild's one with mercury. Father glances at the time nervously.

Stirred are the innards of the sea and nauseous...But the surface still.

Unnerved clouds are gathering round, whispering, awaiting anxiously.

Deceitfully sweet the air; intoxicating and spellbinding like the Devil's Trill!

 

Stirred are the innards of the sea and nauseous... But the surface still.

A heaving chest, a heart shuddering underneath a sleek silk shirt.

Creation holds Her breath; in wild anticipation but solemn and tranquil.

swarms of craving, thirst, languor and longing overcome the aroused dirt

 

A heaving chest, a  heart shuddering underneath a sleek silk shirt

The merchild tastes the first warm drops, a curious sour-sweet flavor

What a delicious trance, an ecstasy of argent! Yet Father seems alert...

The edge that comes with age... How oddly the world is in its favor...

 

The merchild tastes the first warm drops, a curious sour-sweet flavor...

Waters of the Earth! Earth's offspring! Oh, starved soil! Open your heart!

The asphalt feels the upheaval seething in its leaden gut; such fervor!

The harnesses keeping the world together; at long last ripped apart!

 

Waters of the Earth! Earth's offspring! Oh, starved soil open your heart!

Oh, smothered soul of mine, rise! Rise with the mighty monsoon!

Divine the torrent and its nine whips that shall lash us back to the start!

Oh, caged urges of mine, oh my oppressed psyche! My inner typhoon!

 

Oh, smothered soul of mine, rise! Rise with the mighty monsoon!

Rejoice! Come together with the stars and the sun and the moon!

Redemption IS The Storm! Bear the calm before...He'll strike soon!

Oh, Harpie! Feral Beast within! Forget Poseidon's harpoon!

 

Shut your eyes open your nostrils.Pipe down, just for one afternoon!

Don't miss out on the seldom perks of a granite and steel port-town 

Watch it strip itself of the Tight Order's asphyxiating grimy gown!

Breathe in the marvelous silver chaos and sweetly quiver and swoon!

◄ The Madman and The Lunatic

The Bluebird and the Wallflower ►

Comments

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Mae Foreman

Tue 16th Jul 2019 22:59

Thank you dear Jason for the kind supportive words. I kinda held my breath for your feedback, I respect you as a writer and a reviewer. I'm glad you like it. It was about time I tried some variety in structure... I'm glad it worked! Thank you so much Jason and Devon! Both writers whose opinion I value truly! Thank you both gentlemen 🎈
X.x.
Mae

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 16th Jul 2019 22:50

That is, in my humble opinion, a truly breathtaking feat of writing. Not only to remain within the form, but whilst doing that to write something that touches right at the heart. Incredible.
I never cease to be amazed at the journey you take me on. It is a rare and beautiful talent.

J. x

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Mae Foreman

Tue 16th Jul 2019 22:28

You keep intriguing me! I'll try my hand! Oh and Devon... In case you didn't notice I strayed from the official pantoum structure in the end. I added two additional rhyming lines. Also it's not a rule what I do in the last verse where all lines rhyme with each other, it was just easier at the time. Just for the sake of clarity!
Thanks again!🎈
Mae

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Devon Brock

Tue 16th Jul 2019 22:27

Well, a sonnet is much easier than a sestina for sure. Simple adherence to meter, rhyme scheme and line count is all that matters in a sonnet, of which there are six types. If you have read Willy, you get the gyst of it. But for me, not easy. I tried one once, and it read like dung. I am impressed by anyone that can pull off traditional forms. I certainly can't.

D

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Mae Foreman

Tue 16th Jul 2019 22:16

Wow, I've read it 5 times and....still not enough! It's glorious though! Thank you for illuminating me! And as for sonnets... you speak of them as if it's something easy to do...is it? I have no idea, never tried... Haven't even studied what it is, just read a bit of Shakespeare. And it doesn't look easy!!!! 🎈
Mae

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Devon Brock

Tue 16th Jul 2019 22:03

Mae, I can't even pull of a sonnet, let alone a sestina. Here is a link to a famous one by W.H. Auden.

http://homes.chass.utoronto.ca/~ian/paysage.html

D

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Mae Foreman

Tue 16th Jul 2019 21:55

Oh God it seems impossible! But color me intrigued! Just as soon as I have something to write about... I mean, today it rained, but tomorrow may be mundanely sunny...You never know in this life! 😂
Have you ever written a sestina? If you have, please kindly point me at it!
And thanks so much for the kind words 🎈
Mae

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Devon Brock

Tue 16th Jul 2019 21:51

I would love to see you try your hand at a sestina - equally brutal. But your classical knowledge and story-telling abilities will probably see you through.

https://poets.org/text/sestina-poetic-form

D

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Mae Foreman

Tue 16th Jul 2019 21:43

Thank you dear Devon! It took hours!!! It's called "pantoum"! I give you a wiki link about it! Kinda stupid huh? But I know nothing of this style other than the fact that a great Greek poet whom I love and admire wrote one and I loved it! A Nobelist at that! Georgios Seferis! Don't try to find it, it's in Greek! But it was so lovely that I thought I should try to write in this form!

Here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantoum

Thank you so much for the support and appreciation! It was really really hard indeed🎈
Mae

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Devon Brock

Tue 16th Jul 2019 21:37

This is terrific, Mae, and I suppose more than a little difficult to pen. Strict adherence to form is often daunting without coming off "forced" May I ask which form this is written in? Love it.

D

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