#11

I could blossom under your hands 

let us show them how 

◄ Revocation

Comments

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Don Matthews

Fri 12th Jul 2019 01:24

A favourite poem to me
Is one word actually
It's meaningfully lit
And just entitled 'Shit'

Read in different ways
Produces different feelings
Can be quite revealing
Also unappealing

What a shitty poem........

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Sophie Morley

Thu 11th Jul 2019 19:14

My first and favourite poem is 7 words long and doesn't rhyme...think it just needs to be meaningful sometimes tbh x

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Jason Bayliss

Thu 11th Jul 2019 18:47

Yes Cait, I like it too, I hope I made that clear in my original comment.
Actually, I just responded on another poem, much the same for brevity, and mentioned a French one word poem I was pointed to called, "Pousse," (Hope I've spelt that right).
Once I understood the context of that one word poem it became a huge favourite for me.

J. x

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Brian Maryon

Thu 11th Jul 2019 16:25

Is it me, or is there a bit of mass hysteria going on here?

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Don Matthews

Thu 11th Jul 2019 14:44

I'm with Sophie Cait. And I stick with my original comment. I like it.....

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Sophie Morley

Thu 11th Jul 2019 13:22

Apparently phonology has nothing to do with language and poetry now ahhahahahaha

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Sophie Morley

Thu 11th Jul 2019 13:13

This has rhythm but it also has assonance. "coUld", "blossOm, "UndEr", "yOUr", "Us" "thEm"
These all make the same vowel sound (uh) which is very impressive because includes the vast majority of the words in the poem. It means that it reads aloud as a poem because acoustically alone it conveys a softness and romance, and the repeated sound makes it sound like the writer is fixedly thinking about one thing (because of the one repeated noise)-love.
I hope my English language knowledge has helped enlighten a bit
Still love this poem Cait! I think it's beautiful
x

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Don Matthews

Thu 11th Jul 2019 12:49

WOW! What an express train followed after my humble beginning.

The comments were interesting and helpful I hope to all WOLers.
The point made that we are communicating online and not physically together in the same room which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings is important. We need to be mindful of this at all times.

Cait - the bottom line is you write for yourself. My view? If others like my work fine. If not? - still fine.

Oh, and to be a poem, definition says it must have rhythm. Which yours has.

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raypool

Thu 11th Jul 2019 12:04

Hi Cait. I suppose the reaction you have here is a sort of baptism of fire - but ultimately we are open to the vagaries of the system. Like the weather there are times when readers are drawn in, and times when nothing seems to gain attention. Being of long standing, I can vouch for both. The irony with #11 is the brevity of it attracting so many words . I feel that here is an example of the reader swallowing a pill of a message, quickly and the effect is immediate. I honestly don't know what the title indicates, but that may be because of my ignorance - don't know!
Quite often political poems get long comments , and it seems you have entered the fray of controversy. I usually move to the humour switch under such conditions. Most comments I have found switch their focus on to the attitudes of the readers rather than on the poem. For me, this one of yours does have a thought form that opens up possibilities.

With respect (naturally). Ray

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Laura Taylor

Thu 11th Jul 2019 11:29

Hi Cait

It wasn't criticism or opinion. I asked you two questions. Whilst I take Graham's point about haiku, they can be incredibly dense and complex poems with many layers, and there are rules to be followed.

Also, I wasn't 'struggling to understand' it. I would struggle to see how anyone would struggle to understand it, tbh.

I'm loath to offer anything else at this point, given your remarks about criticism. I can understand that. When I first started writing and posting on here, I was also very defensive. However, over the years, that rubbed off, and I began to filter and accept certain things that I thought might improve my writing. Not all of it, but some, and I improved because of it.

I wish you well. Keep thinking, and certainly don't stop writing.

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Cait Abbott

Thu 11th Jul 2019 11:01

Thank you all for you forthcoming advice and comments. I understand your position entirely. I purely view my writing as an extension of myself and so criticism or what is said online often feels very personal. Regardless of another person’s viewpoint I will continue to do what I enjoy.

I agree with you both David and Jason. I believe it may simply be a question of how one welcomes criticism. Perhaps that is the difference of face to face contact versus online comments?

However, I am 19. I still have a lot to learn and abstaining from allowing criticism to impact me is something I am yet to learn.

With all love and respect, thank you

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Jason Bayliss

Thu 11th Jul 2019 09:30

Hi Cait, I liked it a couple of days ago and didn't have time to comment, and much like everyone else, I really like it.
David is right though, about criticism.
I don't mind people having an honest, critical debate about anything I write, it's a good way to learn, but when it comes to others work I tend not to. I think,

1) I'm not educated enough to offer criticism on form and structure.

2) I think it just feels a bit mean, which is silly really, because as long as it's constructive it might be valuable.

If I don't like something, I tend to just not comment or like at all, which again is silly.

At work I have to tell very difficult people what to do, a lot, so I don't have a problem with that, I think that might be the issue though.

I know for me personally, if we were all in the same room, face to face, I be much more happy talk like this because in that environment all of the body language, facial expressions and tone of voice would be easy to see. Whereas like this, in text all of that's lost and I think that can lead to misunderstandings and the belief that someone is having a pop at you
Hope that makes sense??

J. x

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Graham Sherwood

Wed 10th Jul 2019 15:06

Laura, aren’t you being a little short-sighted here. After all Haiku are only three lines and Cait’s effort is only one syllable short!

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Sophie Morley

Wed 10th Jul 2019 14:59

ofcs this "counts"!!! It's more impressive to be expressive and emotive using only two lines!!!! I love this x

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Cait Abbott

Wed 10th Jul 2019 14:20

Laura Taylor, thank you for your comment and opinion - I must disagree of course. So I wrote you a poem,

I believe you read my words, too plainly
Between the lines is where the answer can be found.

Or in other words, if you struggle to understand my poetry again, poetry is not defined by length or amount of words, but the effect it has on the reader or writer. I write purely for myself and the enjoyment it brings me.

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Laura Taylor

Mon 8th Jul 2019 10:12

Are 2 line poems all the rage now? Does it count as a poem?

<Deleted User> (22247)

Sun 7th Jul 2019 13:54

Permission to use this to chat up some hunk?
To go home successful would spare me a funk!

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Don Matthews

Sun 7th Jul 2019 13:47

I like this Cait. Short and succint.,,..

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