I rung to ask if you are okay
but really
I wanted you to know that I am not
you tell me you are doing fine, then say you trust I am
but really
you want me to lie to you, to say all is forgiven
yes, I can read between your lines
but really
I pretend I believe you, and I say goodbye
I sit still, holding the phone and wondering
what went wrong
I echo Devon's comment Eiren. I can't comment any better, but to say your three repeats of 'but really', slowing the conversation and final 'what went wrong' were effective 'tools' if you know what I mean.
Thanks Devon. As always, your comments encourage.
Devon Brock
Fri 28th Jun 2019 22:07
I can hear this conversation - the words that aren't spoken in this poem. I hear the disembodied voices and the occasional loss of signal. Also, this reads very slowly, giving it a late night vibe. Pairing this with "Time Zones" is reminds me of "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. Great Job.
D
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Eiren Water
Wed 3rd Jul 2019 15:13
Thank you Don, I really appreciate the input. x