I rung to ask if you are okay

but really

I wanted you to know that I am not

you tell me you are doing fine, then say you trust I am

but really

you want me to lie to you, to say all is forgiven

yes, I can read between your lines

but really

I pretend I believe you, and I say goodbye

I sit still, holding the phone and wondering

what went wrong


◄ time zones

This is a cautionary tale. Pay attention, please. Take heed. ►


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Eiren Water

Wed 3rd Jul 2019 15:13

Thank you Don, I really appreciate the input. x

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Don Matthews

Sat 29th Jun 2019 09:17

I echo Devon's comment Eiren. I can't comment any better, but to say your three repeats of 'but really', slowing the conversation and final 'what went wrong' were effective 'tools' if you know what I mean.

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Eiren Water

Sat 29th Jun 2019 08:56

Thanks Devon. As always, your comments encourage.

Devon Brock

Fri 28th Jun 2019 22:07

I can hear this conversation - the words that aren't spoken in this poem. I hear the disembodied voices and the occasional loss of signal. Also, this reads very slowly, giving it a late night vibe. Pairing this with "Time Zones" is reminds me of "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. Great Job.


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