Manspreader Ha-cha-cha-cha


Hey Billy Big Balls,

spreading on the seat,

just how much space does one man need?

Did you buy two tickets,

one for each knee?

‘Cause they’re taking up the space that my legs need.      


Hey Billy Big Balls,

spreading on the train,

such a vast sack must cause great pain.

Have you been to the doctor,

or had them examined?

They shouldn’t be the size of a cantaloupe melon.


Hey Billy Big Balls,

spreading on the tube,

tittylip’s out when I ask you to move.

Do they need to be aired? 

Are you about to give birth?

Were you born a selfish cunt or did you have to learn?


Hey Billy Big Balls,

spreading on the bus, 

sitting like your genitals are all puffed up.

Are your undies like a hammock

to accommodate your knackers?

It’s a wonder you can even stand up.


Hey Billy Big Balls,

spreading everywhere,

when I do it to you back, are your feelings hurt?

Is your ego squashed?

Will it ruin your cock?

How does it feel when I take space up?


Hey Billy Big Balls,

arrogant twat,

you get the width of your seat,

no more than that.

Can you shut your knees please?

Can you not sulk

when I politely ask you

“Are you the fucking Hulk?

Are you a Super Hero?

Are your goolies monumental?

Is your scrotum fucking epic?

Or are you just a massive prick?”


◄ The Ties That Bind

With Reasonable Force ►



Thu 2nd Jul 2020 14:00

Love this! Just so spot on!

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Wed 12th Jun 2019 17:34

Buster Gonads is a friend of mine!

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Tue 11th Jun 2019 11:49

I don't understand what you mean Graham - could you explain a little please?

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Mon 10th Jun 2019 23:12

#MenToo, none taken!

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jun 2019 16:53

Hahaa - thanks chaps ?

Profile image


Mon 10th Jun 2019 14:39

Entertaining, revealing and cathartic Laura. The bane of public transport without a doubt, when you come to sort it out Alfie. (?)

Spreading the news always a good thing.

Ray x

Profile image

Don Matthews

Mon 10th Jun 2019 14:34

I did read to poetic end
Shit Laura you've got gall
I will support you in your goal
To squash old Billy Ball ?

Profile image

Martin Elder

Mon 10th Jun 2019 14:33

You have really brightened up my day with this poem Laura.
Love it

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jun 2019 11:42

? ?

Profile image

Stu Buck

Mon 10th Jun 2019 11:02

reported for the use of the word scrotum

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jun 2019 10:51

If you're a delicate flower, please don't stomp all over the comments complaining that you don't like the 'language', it's boring. Stop reading instead. It's that easy.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message