I Thought I was Different

 

 

 

Mum’s lined face,

Slightly smiling

Thus betrays

Inner feelings;

Buried rage.

 

Never, I swore,

Never for me

The pain, the torment –

Long shadows I see

Casting dark clouds of loathing

Over every last reach

Of faint hopes of

A calmer, brighter day.

 

I thought I’d escaped

Those hurtful clouds

 

I thought I was different

to you, Mum.

I’ll just keep on

keeping schtum:

Can’t let anyone see

Me:

 

A pale, reluctant copy

of you.  Of you.

 

Reluctant or no,

I can’t escape it.

It won’t let me go.

 

But I won’t tell anyone:

I’ll cling to the wealth

of inward decaying,

frustration, and anger:

Best kept to myself….

 

So no-one will know,

or see madness grow.

 

And clearly, I see,

I can only trust

Me.