(A Facebook chum of mine, Richard Harries, saw this photo of abandoned golf clubs at his local recycling centre and described at "unutterably sad".  I concur)

 

Just one hook

That’s all it took, yeah,

Just one hook

That’s all it took, yeah,

 

Just one hook

And I knew-ew-ew

That golf

And me were through-ough-ough

 

Just one hook

With a wood –oo-ood

And I knew

That I was no good.

 

I thought I was Rory

I’d hit it long, so long

This didn’t end up my story

I was wrong, see? I was so wrong.

 

Just one iron

And one chi-i-ip

And these clubs

Were all bound for the tip.

 

I thought I was Jordan

I’d lay it tight, so tight

But chipped it over the cordon

Into the rough and so lost to sight.

 

Just one putt

And I got the hum-um-ump

So these clubs

Went straight to the dump.

 

I thought I was Tiger

With a smooth silky touch

But my touch was more like Rod Steiger

I gave it rather too much.

 

So you see

I can’t drive pitch or putt

So these golf clubs

I have now got shut.