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One sandwich short

he's one sandwich short of a picnic

he's two cards shy of a deck
he’s lost in the woods
he’ll never come good

he’s burnt out, a gibbering wreck

he's mostly away with the fairies

his ship is on the rocks
his nerves are shot
the man is not

the sharpest tool in the box

they say that he's not the full shilling

and he's got no gas in the tank
he's no flipping use
he's got a screw loose

he's thick as two short planks

I reckon he's having a meltdown

he's constantly losing his rag

he's turned off the light
unable to fight

his way out of a paper bag

he's one tinny short of a six-pack

two citizens shy of a jury
he's an “also ran”
wouldn't trust him to plan

a piss-up in a brewery

he can’t tell his arse from his elbow
can't find that same part with both hands

his reason’s gone missing
his mind has gone fishing
he’s living in Cloud Cuckoo Land

he needs to be put in the nuthouse
he’s barking, he’s hare-brained, he’s challenged

a dingbat, a loon
he hooooooooowls at the moon
a fruitcake, unhinged and unbalanced

he’s ga-ga, he's toys in the attic

there’s cotton-wool under the dome

he’s Bungalow Bill
he’s The Fool on the Hill
you knock but there’s nobody home 

he’s a jackass, a dope, he’s a head-case

he's bananas, he’s gone round the bend

he's out for lunch
and it's my hunch

he talks to invisible friends

his brain cell is getting lonely

he's cracked, he's not all there

he’s off his trolley
he’s building a folly

he didn't pack a spare

he's wacko, he's bats in the belfry

a numpty, a nutter, a dork
he's full of rot
he's lost the plot

he can't tell butter from Stork

he's up shit creek with no paddle

he's leading us down a blind alley

he's dazed and confused
his wiring has fused

he’s bonkers, he's gone doolally

it's rumoured he's losing his marbles

so humour him, he’s not too bright

the reason the town
must keep talking him down

is fear
that

he’s probably... 

picnicsandwich

◄ Nothing else matters

Dry January ►

Comments

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Tim Ellis

Tue 6th Nov 2018 22:40

Thanks for the comments everyone. I think there’s a few of these I made up myself, but most someone or other has said about me sometime in my life! Hope you all enjoy the free download.

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jennifer Malden

Mon 5th Nov 2018 18:18

Hi Tim! You forgot doolally! Too old perhaps. Loved it.

Jennifer

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 4th Nov 2018 15:19

The concentration of common phrases to describe a "loose cannon" (as distinct from the religious spelling!) is to be
admired. Prince Charles for one would surely enjoy this!

<Deleted User> (18118)

Sun 4th Nov 2018 15:17

This is really impressive.
So many words and sayings to put a person down.
Yet he is human and worthy too.

Hannah

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Taylor Crowshaw

Sun 4th Nov 2018 06:51

I am going to check out your ebook..excellent poem.

<Deleted User> (18980)

Sat 3rd Nov 2018 19:08

Brilliant. You've got 'em all in there Tim.

Are we meant to suggest the last word? If so I'll guess the word 'right'.

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Tim Ellis

Sat 3rd Nov 2018 17:52

I've produced a free ebook in pdf format of 30 poems on a Sandwich theme, which I wrote in April for NaPoWriMo. This one's the title poem. If you pop over to my website you can have a copy. Did I mention it's FREE?
https://birdbard.weebly.com/free-book.html

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