See that bloody weather girl’s pregnant again!

Can’t see a ring!

Sticking out as far as Cardiff, she is!

I can’t see a bloody thing!

Shouldn’t be allowed,

weather girls up the duff.

At least with the girlie newsreaders they’re behind a desk

so you can’t see it so much.

Used to like this weather girl,

pretty, nice eyes, good legs.

Couldn’t keep them together though could she!

Huh!

But I always felt that she was smiling

and talkin’ bout the weather just for me.

“Better get your thermals out” she’d say.

“I should take a brolly out with you today”

In that mumsy, sexy kind of way.

She’d always be warning me about the sun’s rays,

“rub on that sun cream”, like she knew that I was fair.

Or worrying about the pollen count and my hay fever,

like she really cared.

But I don’t fancy her no more,

not now she’s got pregnant ANOTHER time!

She’s not looking so hot these days,

and yet . . . I’m such an old romantic -

I almost wish the kid was mine. . .

audio read by Will G