The Black Big Top

The start is the end of a long sleepless night,

A new day's light is the bell, next round of the fight

"Today's going to be different", echoes a heavy pillowed head,

You've heard this lie before from the soapbox of your bed,

 

You know who you are, you've lived through each day,

The context of those comments?? "What did they say?!",

That really doesn't sound like the 'me' that I know!,

Guess the changes are subtle - perspective on self last to go,

 

First thoughts, the thoughts of others,

You tell yourself you know what they're thinking,

If you could take a lucid step back,

You would swear you'd been drinking,

 

A life vest slowly deflating and dragging you down,

Black big top, a circus master - just missing our clown,

A trick of the light, the minds slight of hand,

To others you're fine, they can't, they don't understand,

 

You believe in yourself, do more, love, business or art,

But you talk yourself out, stop before start,

Yet you know you can do more, you want to fly high,

Paralysed by the thought of reflections in a little boys eye,

 

It's a heavy mist whose presence creeps up over the mind,

Setting flight to ugly thoughts, shackling the kind,

Apathy addiction no need for a dealer,

Friends attempt to provoke, get a reaction, trying to heal ya',

 

You look for the peace in your pieces,

Fail to grasp the lessons life teaches,

Room clouded by shadow, light shut out so tight,

Warm days lived eclipsed by an impending night,

 

A road trip unplanned, fast lanes and no exit sign,

Stuck on repeat, unbreakable in design,

The cherished fabric of relationships starting to rip,

Tightened sense of mortality never loosens the grip,

 

Tears, anger and a heavy sense of burden,

People better without, the thought reappears ever more certain,

It's an illness unseen, an invisible pain,

There's no pointing child requiring a parents explain,

 

Tides of fear, doubt and anxiety, steadily wears down,

You Struggle to cope behind the act of a clown,

We try and pull through, resist the disease,

Unsure when life first culled to our knees,

 

Understand, others opinions must pass with the speed of a blink,

You can never believe everything you think,

There's only one outcome when your mind becomes your master,

A black tsunami, a head fuck disaster.

depressionmanic depression

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Comments

Frances Macaulay Forde

Wed 27th Jun 2018 03:45

Lots to think about in this very open and honest exploration.
It builds naturally to it's critical conclusion.
I hope, in this expression, the mind finds a positive solution.
Words can be wonderful healers when shared.
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