Confession: Feeding Cornflakes To A Deceased Nun Is Easy If You Don't Know What You're Doing

 

i accidentally fed cornflakes to a deceased nun
it wasn't on purpose
she didn't die deliberately
it was a first for both of us..

i then attempted to feed the nun coffee
to help her swallow the cornflakes
she didn’t drink the coffee either
a deceased nun can’t drink coffee
perhaps i should have offered her tea
i know i often learn 
by such ass-backwards
esoteric ether transference experiences..

i recall my note to self
next time you are with a nun
a nun you don’t realise is deceased
offer her a nice cup of tea
forget the cornflakes..
you won’t receive your care work nvq level 2
if you carry on like this..

i could hear the voices
this is what you get
when you have children of indian immigrants
working in the nhs..


soon afterwards
i was consoled by a sympathetic patient nearby
who watched me try to feed the deceased nun
never mind darlin
it’s the thought that counts
it was quite sweet really
almost better than telly
have you got a cigarette
she didn’t look that dead you know..

i wheeled her past the fire exit door
we stood there for a few minutes 
within our late 1990s curlicue pre-chemtrail haze
wrapping ourselves for dear life
while rem’s what’s the frequency kenneth 
segued to sophie b.hawkins right beside you
the radio at the nursing station
often received 
and offered such demi-angel-wave transmissions..

she asked will you get into trouble for that 
for the nun..i replied
no darlin
i mean because you offered me a ciggy..
..anyway she died so you never harmed her
and she was a nun 
so if she was watching you from above
trying to feed her
she would have forgiven you
nuns have out of body experiences after they’re dead
like taxi drivers they have the knowledge..

i thanked her
i won’t get in trouble
and hospital is the best place for smokers
so you’re in the right place
so no i won’t get in trouble
so no worries but thanks you’re kind..

she smiled
you cheered me up 
i won’t forget..that..

we went back to the ward
and as i wheeled her by her bed
a porter was wheeling the nun away
wrapped in sheets like an egyptian mummy
i never saw the porter dressed like that before
and the ward sister asked me to come to the office..

were you the one who was with her..she asked
yeah..she just wanted..needed a cigarette i replied
she shook her head and laughed
don’t tell me the nun smoked 
nothing surprises me anymore
we’re both due a coffee-break the sister mused
cheers i replied
she paused before whispering
..take it easy..
i nodded i’ll try
and with our cappuccino’d plastic
we both walked to another emergency fire exit..

 

post rock poetry

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Comments

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suki spangles

Tue 12th Jun 2018 05:04

Dear Martin and Col,

Much obliged. When uploading poems it's impossible to know which poems will hit the mark, and which don't. That's what makes it fun. Really, it's all about experimentation. What's the worst that could happen?

Hope you aren't finding the builders to stressful Col.

Have a lovely week gents.

Suki

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Martin Elder

Sun 10th Jun 2018 15:26

Hi SS
absolutely love this one. I know look forward to your surreal poetry to brighten my day. The whole story about a dead nun is wonderful. I don't know about Basil Faulty but it certainly has an air of Monty Python about it.
Wonderful stuff. I look forward to more and certainly worth the effort .
Nice one

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sun 10th Jun 2018 10:07

Hi Suki, just wanted to stop by and give this one my full attention as my first read was a little hurried - two sons and various builders currently occupying a good part of my time although I now have a week off from the builders as they've buggered off somewhere else to do something else for someone else - as builders do.

I like the backwards forwards conversation of this piece which seems to have been echoed somewhat in the comments. All good fun and to add my own little echo of Ray's comment about the porter, well I had to laugh out loud at that line.

It's also interesting how you touch on certain subjects without going into details, almost as little asides to get the reader thinking without realising they've been made to think. Very effective.

Anyway, it's a great poem and well worth your three weeks of penance. Looking forward to the next one. Col.

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Don Matthews

Sat 9th Jun 2018 14:42

Hi Suki,

I'm also pleased to make your acquaintance.

Another mind in turmoil? Maybe not. Whatever. You have an interesting mind. For the reason I am bipolar with a mind full of thoughts racing round helter-skelter wanting to get out. One thought leads to another, to another, to another. Before too long you find yourself in the land of borderline credibility. As Brian says - Basil Fawltyish

Glad to make your acquaintance

Don

PSW. Have you picked up on my Hey Suki, You Out There? yet ?

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suki spangles

Sat 9th Jun 2018 05:45

Hi there Don,

I often have no problem coming up with ideas for poems, but executing them is another matter. There are a few lucky exceptions to that rule, but in my case they are exceptions.

I enjoyed your little back-and-forth with Anya too! Pleased to meet your acquaitance.

Have a great weekend and all the best to you.

Cheers,
Suki

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Don Matthews

Sat 9th Jun 2018 04:36

Suki

Big Sal said a poet who could knock up a poem in less than half an hour is the sign os a 'good poet'. I thought you've got to be joking. Many drafts, re-drafts, sleep-ons doth a good poem/poet make. As we both know.

We have since communicated and sorted ourselves out

Don 😎

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suki spangles

Sat 9th Jun 2018 02:14

Thank you all so kindly for sharing my Father Ted-style moment, and for your very kind feedback. I wrote this over three weeks, kept deleting, drafting, re-deleting!, and so on until I had to let it go. Penance?

Oh, and Stu, you're right - my bad:
https://youtu.be/jWkMhCLkVOg

Cheers all! Your support means a lot to me. Sometimes banging your head repeatedly against a wall is worth it after all. Who knew!

Suki

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Stu Buck

Fri 8th Jun 2018 19:31

great stuff as ever suki, a proper journey. think you missed a trick not posting the video for whats the frequency kenneth though!

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Hannah Collins

Thu 7th Jun 2018 19:17

'She didn't look that dead you know'
I love that line.
An amazing piece.
Kept me enthralled to the end.

Hannah

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Wolfgar Miere

Wed 6th Jun 2018 22:39

Hi SS,

I think I remember you telling me this story, I'm pleased you have made a record of it here. I'm sure you are forgiven.

Love the mummified porter image/gag, very surreal idea.

All good,

David.

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raypool

Wed 6th Jun 2018 22:25

A lesson in how to make the incredible possible, and the unbelievable tangible, all done with lovely brush strokes dipped in the palette of insane logic Suki. "I never saw the porter dressed like that before" is a wonderful line in itself, it reminds me of a Victorian music hall lyric. Roy Hudd would like that.
Bloody marvellous as ever and worth a decent wait before we pull the screens. POTyear please.

Ray

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Don Matthews

Wed 6th Jun 2018 16:16

Unfortunately Anya
I've patented my mind
With all its racing neurons
I could dig up and find

If I find some extras
Which missed the patent trap
I'll gladly let you borrow
I'll place them in your lap

They really have a happy time
Turvying round my skull
They help to make my poetry
Sparkly, fun, not dull

I'm just a lowly poet 😎

(stop it don and go to bed)


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Darren J Beaney

Wed 6th Jun 2018 15:44

Very good, that put a smile on my face - loved “like taxi drivers they have the knowledg”! 🙂

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Brian Maryon

Wed 6th Jun 2018 15:43

Basil Fawlty like.

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Don Matthews

Wed 6th Jun 2018 15:38

I tried. I really did. My neurons went all topsy-turvy. Perhaps I should be reading it during the day and not midnight. I'm sure there are some gems there if I wasn't falling asleep 😎

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Hazel ettridge

Wed 6th Jun 2018 15:12

I love it. Wonderful.

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