Advice For Free

 

Remember watching Motorhead

in Bingley Hall in Stafford?

The time that fella's ears bled?

Lemmy's warts,

the wall of sound,

and Philthy going mad?

 

Remember where we stood that night?

And how that fella, six foot three,

came and stood in front of me,

so we just moved a step along

and simply carried on?

 

At every single gig for years

a giant stood in front of me.

And usually, he'd introduce

the contents of his arse to me,

silently.

Fifteen pints of Guinness and a king prawn biryani.

 

And then of course I'd always stand

in pre-ordained desire paths,

where every single punter would have to walk right into me

on their way to have a piss or get another pint.

It didn't matter where I stood,

I was always in that line.

 

But the last gig that I went to,

there's a fella stood in front of me,

he wasn't very tall at all,

he was only five foot three

but in his tiny fist he clutched

a Samsung fucking Galaxy - S9.

 

He held it high, he held it long,

his phone recorded every song.

He didn't watch the gig with eyes,

his lust for life was minimised.

He didn't mosh, he didn't dance,

he didn't even sing.

And now at every single gig

there's hundreds of them just like him,

obliterating lines of sight with smart-arsing technology.

 

When they wend their way back home

and watch a live gig on their phone,

and wonder why it sounds so shit,

I hope they will remember the advice I gave for free:

 

PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE AWAY MATE

PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET

PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE AWAY

BEFORE I FUCKING BREAK IT

PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE AWAY MATE

PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET

KEEP IT SAFE WITHIN YOUR KECKS

BEFORE I FUCKING LOB IT 
 

NaPoWriMo2018

◄ Wilfully Blind

Origin ►

Comments

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Laura Taylor

Wed 4th Apr 2018 16:23

I love photography! What I don't love is every single experience being ruined by knobheads waving their phoness around in my face, instead of simply watching, enjoying and absorbing the gig. I don't get it. You REMEMBER stuff from gigs, there's a hugely enjoyable chat afterwards, analysing it. And the sound quality on phones is toss.

You're a musician Ray. You know how much trouble musicians and sound engineers go to to get exactly the right sound on stage. For knobheads to then intentionally ruin the experience for themselves is just...baffling.

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raypool

Wed 4th Apr 2018 16:06

Good onya Laura. Big question marks arise the older I get on what life actually is for. I love photography but not this mindless neanderthalism. (Is that a word? I hope so).

Regards, Ray

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Laura Taylor

Wed 4th Apr 2018 15:57

It's usually at gigs in venues rather than at festies but it happens everywhere tbh. And small festies are the way to go, proper grassroots kind of parties. Better prices, better punters, better parties had!

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Wolfgar Miere

Wed 4th Apr 2018 15:20

Wrists should be broken. No true lover of music would act like that. Glastonbury? I just can't imagine it, all those corporate twats and legal secretaries. Often the real lovers of music at festivals head to the small stages or go straight to the bar.

Won't be doing any this summer, maybe some local festivals for small bands when I'm home.

David.

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Laura Taylor

Wed 4th Apr 2018 15:13

First poem for NaPoWriMo 2018. I missed the first 3 days due to drinking/chocolate.

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