He sticks the blinkers on
and blindfold, counts out the sorrows
of no one he knows.
Puts them in a drawer,
locked with a careless key,
kicking doors shut
on notions of equality.
His side of the seesaw hangs heavy,
unbalanced, biased towards
the full and sated belly.
Wallet and tongue keep close company.
Sees with one eye only one vision:
singular,
blue.
Never for the many,
only ever for the few.
'counts out the sorrows of no-one he knows'. I love that line! Lovely work. ?
Cheers Cynth.
Yeh, I think it's the sound of 'blindfold' that I like more than anything. I agree, it's doubling up. I will consider removing it, thanks for the suggestion.
Vision - I'll keep that in though, as it's not exactly the same doubling up as previously, it's slightly different again.
I like this a lot, Laura. You are so good. I make a bold suggestion because we know each other, with great respect.
Would you consider removing a couple of words like:
'He sticks the blinkers on
Counts out the sorrows ... '
The 'blindfold' idea is clear already, and the mouthing of that word itself is almost a shuffle in a sharp step.
'And sees with one eye only' is hugely impactive, IMO, needing no further embellishment of the same idea and that word with a 'sshh' sound like a motor stopping.
But, perhaps, that is exactly what you intended; you're that skilled.
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Laura Taylor
Wed 21st Mar 2018 13:47
Thank you very much Steve ?