We all know that someone who never stops moaning

And says that he’s right with no ifs or buts

We get so fed up with him endlessly droning

That everyone calls him old misery guts

 

He’s open and friendly, and never offensive

In so many ways he’s a likeable chap

But when in full flow, he’s a touch reprehensive

So sometimes you’d like to just give him a slap

 

When we think it’s cold and assert that we’re freezing

‘That’s nonsense’, he says, it’s really too hot

He gets so dogmatic when we are appeasing

If we say it’s quiet he’s certain it’s not

 

He’s something to say about all situations

And gives his opinion, so sure that he’s right

The facts he proclaims have no solid foundations

But still he will claim that his case is airtight

 

It gets to the stage that when he is arriving

We all keep our heads down, pretend he’s not there

But somehow he thwarts us by always contriving

To find a spare seat right next to my chair