THE CARABINER BRACES
When wear and tear determines that your old belt’s days are done
(Perhaps the holes have widened or the buckle pin has gone)
So when you walk for twenty yards they drop down past your bum
Then obligation places
A need on sturdy braces,
But if you’re quite an active chap or handy just like me
You’ll find that when you bend and stretch the snap-ons just snap free;
One nearly took my eye out once while planting up my peas!
And so were born these Aces –
My carabiner braces.
You’ll note that they’re both functional as well as fashion-wear;
The Mother of Invention was, in this case, Disrepair;
And spending money on new clothes had always made me swear;
So as with other cases
I came up with these braces.
I must confess it came to parting with a bob or two
But you don’t mind for quality so Poundland’s just for you
And so I thought these bungee straps with dog clips might just do
And cheaper than Homebase’s
For carabiner braces.
But never in my wildest dreams did I suppose that then
I would get an invite to appear on Dragon’s Den;
While in the meantime Hugo Boss and also News at Ten
And even New York’s Macy’s
Had interest in my braces.
But sadly before fame and fortune in my lap could drop
Our Gert decided that this silly escapade should stop
And with a pair of scissors she then gave the straps the chop
“There’ll be no more disgraces
With your stupid dog-clip braces!”.