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On Not Wearing Purple

 

Sod wearing purple,

I’m gonna fake dementia.

Sup single malt in Tesco aisles

and Jose Cuervo Gold.                   

Steal Thornton’s biggest fuck-off box

of truffles, milk and dark.

Then stuff my face with Krispy Kremes,

leave fingermarks on magazines.

I’ll ride the roads in off-peak times,

rob Asdas far and wide.

A North West quest to shoplift shite

funded by the State.

 

Like Cooper Clarke

I’ll take up smack,

perfect on a pension.

A tenner wrap’ll see me through

five days’ worth of budget food.

Keep me warm and help me sleep,

‘cause I can’t afford the heating bills.

Poppy tea and home-grown green

replacing own-brand tins of beans.

I’ll start to deal, and not in stocks,

so stick your purple cardie                          

in the Sad Old Bastards box.

 

 

https://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=73720

 

◄ The Final Haiku

Not Exactly Miss Jean Brodie ►

Comments

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Laura Taylor

Mon 15th Jan 2018 09:20

Bonnie's going solo ? Love it!

Cheers all!

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 14th Jan 2018 16:13

It has been said that a good whine improves with age.

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Trevor Alexander

Sat 13th Jan 2018 13:08

Love it! A funny piece, with serious undertones. Forget Clyde - Bonnie's going solo!

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Graham Sherwood

Sat 13th Jan 2018 11:46

I recently started wearing red socks! Bring on the revolution.

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Laura Taylor

Sat 13th Jan 2018 11:37

Hahaa Stu - way too academic for me that review ?

Thanks Hannah!

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Stu Buck

Sat 13th Jan 2018 08:05

allow me to gather my most poetical thoughts in order to review this piece.

ace as fuck.

<Deleted User> (18118)

Fri 12th Jan 2018 18:34

Supermarkets beware.
I love this witty, great, defiant poem.

Hannah

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Laura Taylor

Fri 12th Jan 2018 16:21

Cheers m'dears ?

Ray - seriously, this actually started out as a plan I'd had for years, about how to survive my dotage whilst living in abject poverty. I have no actual pension plan, no savings, no back up. I'll never pay my mortgage off. So - how to get drunk, eat well, and have a laugh in the meantime? This way ? And if I DO end up in the clink, it won't matter a jot. I won't be trying to get a job anymore, won't matter! Trick is to target a different supermarket each week - I won't end up on a Wanted poster that way.

Normality never liked me much tbh Leon, we were never bedmates to begin with ?


<Deleted User> (17847)

Fri 12th Jan 2018 14:27

having read this I somehow get the impression that you don't like normality, Laura.

My advice? don't ever let those bastards of the establishment ever stop you from getting your rock's off !

What am I saying? I'd like to see try!

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raypool

Fri 12th Jan 2018 11:58

Blimey, you gawn and dun it now gal! Deliciously seedy and with a measure of protestation to boot. (That's something we men are supposed to get late in life). Like a breath of fresh air on WOL Laura, no punches pulled FFS.

Ray (mired under bleeding cloud dahn ere).

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Laura Taylor

Fri 12th Jan 2018 11:09

Cheers David ?

Hahaa - aye, like that's the worst you can think of, Jenny?!

It used to be a regular in my set but I dropped it for new stuff. Might bring it back in again. Without FAIL, after performing it, there would be someone shouting out or standing up...dressed in purple ?

Aye - that seriously chuffed me did that, about the course. Couldn't believe it. But then...of all the poems I've written...THAT one?! Be churlish to complain I suppose ?

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Laura Taylor

Fri 12th Jan 2018 10:15

This is an old one of mine, shamelessly resurrected upon the death of Jenny Joseph. It's also being taught on a degree course in a Liverpool uni - the lecturer turned up at a gig to tell me last year!! Something to do with intertextuality!

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