Its overwhelming and swallowing me whole

I ask for a hug, but why when it is only a bandaid

Your arms around me make it seem like its ok for just a moment

But then you let go, and my mind returns

The thoughts never go away, they never will

Its 2 am and the fear of falling asleep and not waking up emerges

Its 3 am and it dawns on me that I may never get my break

I may never get my break or ever be ok

My mind may haunt me forever

I am and will always be broken

What shattered me

Was it a single life changing moment or a chain of terrible events

It’s not that I haven’t tried over and over

I have exhausted myself trying to make myself better

But old ways always creep back in

The memories of her hurtful words, his hands, my tears,

The sting on my face, the blood on my legs, the bruises along my body

But the worst was losing my soul, my hopes, my happiness, and purpose

I’m empty so many hours of the day

I’m trying to remember that I am enough but then I remember that I’m not

I try to believe in myself because nobody else ever did

One semester of school left and I’m done with undergrad

It’s 4 am and I’m still lying here staring at the ceiling

Wondering how to make it over the hill