The Breakup Poem
"Strike the iron when it's hot"
Its just another way of saying, 'break them when they are at their most vulnerable because then, they won't have strength for defense or offense'
I guess you took this proverb to test when you told me that you didn't love me anymore!
You weren't just a friend or a peer,
You were my soul mate a unicorn in a land full of bears!
I noticed the little changes...
When you started blaming me for our fights, I stood back and apologized but you didn't tell me that it was going to be okay
You said, instead, 'Don't say sorry if you can't change'
I changed my whole being from inside and out for you
I left people because they made you jealous and I altered my soul too!
You weren't just a friend or a fellow
You were my fire, my star, my flame never mellow!
I remember in your hidden words after listening to my winning you told me something I can't forget
You said my life wasn't sad enough for me to become a poet so maybe I should just let it rest!
Maybe you were right!
Maybe my life isn't sad enough and maybe you actually have been through more,
Maybe yours is like the ocean - big and deep, while mine is just the small shore!
But comparing each other's shit was never what we were about
Weren't we supposed to be rainbows and candy? How come we became a drought?!
I remember how much you used to idealize Rumi
And I know how truly you love Shams
But there is one thing in his poetry that you forgot to take in account
Rumi became a poet when he met Shams, yes that's true
But when Shams left him, remember? That's when he wrote all the glorious and the masterpieces too
You encouraged me to talk to you so I came out of my shell
But then you used my weaknesses against me and threw me down the well!
And it's hard to have a conversation when I have to choose the emotions in my head while bringing them to my lips because God forbid!
I don't want to irritate you!
So I stay quiet and be labeled as the good listener and you seem okay with it too!
You dislocated your shoulder with the backfire of the gun you shot me in the heart with and then claimed that I've hurt you!
Everything with you feels so draining now, it's like a Rollercoaster ride in reverse and my harness is loose too!
I remember one time I said that I was sad but I don't know the reason for it
You told me that even your depression was better than mine, in every competition I can never win with you in your time!
So I guess I can say now that this sadness has now consumed me
It is bigger than every other feeling that used to encapsulate me!
My sadness is almost invisible to the world.
It is like a permanently blocked nostril, a stubbed toe, a popped taste bud, a growling stomach...
No matter what I'm doing it is always ticking in the background like a clock in the silence of night!
"Was there anything I could've done to change where we are now?"
This is the dark-cloaked question that brings insomnia to my bed!
I'm not saying it was all your fault, believe me I know,
That there is no innocent 'one' in this game of two!
But now you say that we are past repair!
And 'us' is the only imperfect thing left in your otherwise perfect life.
So I think maybe you actually are right!
Maybe we were both lonely and in need of a partner but how could you leave me naked and alone just after you found someone else?
Was it that easy?
Now, I know what sadness and loneliness actually feel like!
I drink chilled soda with steaming soups and roam outside with wet hairs,
I'm no longer cautious while crossing the road alone nor am I afraid to fall down the stairs!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've lost the will to choose for myself what is good,
And I see no point in pretending to care or to beat about the bush!
When I'm told that my feelings are complaints and my ideas are irritating, the only thing left for me to choose is silence,
I wonder if you know that you are to blame for it when you tell me I've changed!!