a shape
a solidine spectre throwing shape
over my shoulder, bed filled with weighted shale 
sheets hanging over a floor dropping out forever 
and I wish more than anything I could describe what it is 
or was
or might be

it's shears
cutting and reshaping all the new growths I've made 
and
sliding together with intoxicating blades 
and
oil dripping, whipping in strings as we pray
and
cutting you down, you, the best part of my day 
And 
you reach down towards me and I push you away
and 
and
it's because I've grown to love those fingers bearing that ring, soothing my hair , cooling my fevers , walking across my chest , 
you can feel the way it's weighted down as I try
I flex against it, losing weight and sleep in equal parts
And you notice the missing finer details 
you ask where they went , where they might be living now 
you ask who keeps cutting me and I panic because I don't really know anymore.

a shape so big it approaches flatness
blackness like event horizons 
where time slides to a crawl
splaying out the pile of nothing 
I am
into a perfect eternal ellipsoid 
that you'll never find again

and I don't want it to be this way