Don't fall in love with visions
don't believe in dreams
they belong to the super rich
those who have the means.
Weave their magic carpets
with resources and with thread
spend your lives in servitude
raise a tipple at Christmas
console yourselves with those worse off
one day we'll all be dead
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Nov 2017 08:16
I can't make the second verse work Ray - maybe the 'raise' and 'tipple' lines break the flow too much. But I do think there is an important message in the poem and one that could easily be expanded upon.
as per Suki, I have avoided Christmas work parties for many years but avoiding Christmas is not so easy. btw, isn't it too early to be mentioning Christmas in a poem?
all the best, Col.
Hi there Ray,
I always avoid the work Christmas party. Your second verse reminded me of all that..
Cheers,
Suki
Ryan
Mon 13th Nov 2017 23:02
I like it. Good work mate!
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
raypool
Wed 15th Nov 2017 17:37
Thanks Ryan, appreciated.
HI Suki. I always miss my band curry as it clashes with poetry readings. I know how you feel though - traditionally cheesy aren't they.
Thanks Col. I'm going to make that "Christmas time" as I think that'll be neater. I'm not fond of dah de dah de dah metre as a rule so i'll leave it meandering a bit. Appreciate your thoughts ! As for C........s yes it was early but I've been brainwashed by the retailers and advertisers I suppose.
Thanks for the likes David and Desmond.
Ray