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Writing 'I Love you' in slow motion

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I’m writing I love you in slow motion
that should make it last longer
it’s a little superstition of mine
pen cannot justify feelings
as intense as this
but I shall try
wrote my first love poem at six
and 9 degrees in the playground
by the bikes tin shack shells
we had ink wells reserved for numeric tells
but I didn’t use them
and in carved desks, scribed the graffitied dregs of lovers before

I ignored their writing style-

alice 4 dave
shaz luvs stu
dez was here 78
andrew draper sniffs glue

scribed with the thigh dig of compass
the yard bullies stab you
for feeling
the tattooed dears and darlings
I ignore them, pain is ugly, love fits much more
snugly with my Basildon bond
I steal Biro and blue tack
and pop love hearts on the kick me backs
I’m gentle like that.
they say its
soft to say I love you
hard to cry when they shove you
gotta be strong so you can tell her
gotta rescue her
so you can flood her ear and swell her
with all the fantastic words
better than the letter, I don’t think so
words are gone, cant be caught or traced, gone
written could be wrong
in foreign hands
pass it round the class room
my love letter
laugh out loud, shape out the conjecture
of stupidity
soppy me they say
yet the classroom mockers
were the first to sway when a broken heart
had a way with them.

◄ Pretty Little Mistakes

Going to Disnelyalnd Paris without any children ►

Comments

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 18th Mar 2010 11:17

Wonderfully evocative, tighly writtenThis poem takes me straight back to my bullied schooldays, Peter.
my fave lines?
written could be wrong
in foreign hands

So much in those few words. True poetry.

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clarissa mckone

Wed 21st Oct 2009 05:16

Its true, you cant really express with pen and words how you or anyone feels. That deep gutting pain that comes with love, just cant be felt when reading words penned by others. Sure we all can say we understand, but do we really? I think the slow motion part is great and the school yard part just takes all readers back, to a time when life seemed so hard and complex, but was infact simple. great poem

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Nichola Burrows

Tue 20th Oct 2009 14:00

What a fantastic poem. Thoroughly enjoyed it, drew me in, felt like I was back in the school playground and classroom again, remembering those adolescent feelings as if they were only yesterday. Brilliant!

Nicky x

<Deleted User> (5646)

Mon 19th Oct 2009 22:33

No more or less to say than everyone else really Peter. Super poem!

Janet.x

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Andy N

Mon 19th Oct 2009 21:04

very good pete... what a great idea

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 19th Oct 2009 13:13

Jeez, Pete, what a great piece. Difficult though, for me. Took me straight back to the crime scene that was my school life: the compass stabbings and the bullyings, all made vivid by your writing. I could smell the pencil shavings and the fear. Not a love poem, for me, this. More revelatory somehow. As Cynthia says, ambience, penetrating - as the point of a pair of compasses?
Excellent.

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Isobel

Mon 19th Oct 2009 12:53

Good to see you posting again Pete - Gus can sleep easy in his bed - WOL may yet rise again. A fine poem - in your very distinctive style.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Oct 2009 11:13

Superb, Pete, in every way...your ambiance is penetrating...the indelible mark of a fine poet.

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shoeless

Sun 18th Oct 2009 23:32

brings back memories of making pacts to make the valentine for each other in junior school , so we couldnt be teased . nice to see poems from you again pete :)

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winston plowes

Sun 18th Oct 2009 21:55

Great Stuff Pete
Win

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Francine

Sun 18th Oct 2009 14:04

Awww... : )

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Gus Jonsson

Sun 18th Oct 2009 13:56

Hi Peter ...I was only sayin last night' ...and he writes love poems too and when he does....


Well done a classic, words are lost unless there written...
Superb
Gusx

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