God swept me off my feet

When He captured me

I was not expecting that

In Plaistow Lane, Bromley

On a mundane autumn Tuesday

As I walked to apologise

To half-baked Jesus Freaks

For mocking them on Monday

When they sang at me

And told me ‘Jesus loves you’

And I had to be a baby to get to heaven.

 

The electric cleansing fountain

Of love thrilling through me

From the infinity beyond and back again

Washed away my past

Stripped me of sin and self satisfaction

And left me new-born, innocent, raw

Gazing at the world as it really is

When not viewed through the lens of illusion;

 

The sounds of colours and the songs of birds

The unspeakable beauty of Earth

The compelling love of the 'Unknowable One'

And rejection from parents and the one I married.

 

For the sake of the family I forsook the family

Kissed the children and limped

On blistered feet to Galloway -

Then the flinty coastal path to Scrabster,

Cadging a ferry ride to Orkney

To be swallowed in obscurity.

 

I have taken up my pen

To write to my wife - still my wife

At her last known address,

 

“You would have liked it here

In my cottage beside the burn

I’ve a family kitchen – cozy

With a peat stove

But no one eats with me

 

And you would love the view of Egilsay

And spotting otters, seals and migrant gulls

Clustering the bay

And above all the silence.

 

Death is very close now

I’m waiting my turn

For passage from life to life

With patient dignity.

 

Don’t blame God for what has passed

Don’t blame yourself or me

There is only love and

There is no place for blame

Where love is found.

 

I wish you were here

So many years of memories

We might have sat together

Aound the stove and shared.

I wonder where you are.”

 

I wonder where we ever are