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Under a Different Cloud

Words just about filter through

The shouts, screams and laughter

Behind me. I seek solace

In the beaming blue sky,

Partly covered by clouds,

Which pours through the stained glass pane –

A familiar sight

At this autumnal hour

When families go home

Together, and lovers watch

The world just pass them by.

 

My eyes return to the sky,

Choose a cloud, and wonder

If you’re somewhere underneath –

Elbow perched on a ledge

Palm pressed up against your cheek

Gazing wistfully

As the wheels move further West.

Don’t ponder too long, though,

Because the next stop is ours.

One day, we’ll have our cloud

And we’ll have our heads in it

And we’ll never get off.  

◄ I, Once Removed

Momentary Musings ►

Comments

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Neil Robertson

Tue 25th Apr 2017 10:38

Thank you all for your kind words and helpful feedback ? I thought of the title before actually writing the poem. Thank God I managed to actually find some words to accompany it! I also took on board your suggestion Colin as I feel it does really add to the feeling and sentiment behind the poem.

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Stu Buck

Mon 24th Apr 2017 16:34

brilliant ending to this neil, takes the piece and amplifies the emotions, running off with sentiment and pushing home the feel of the whole poem. does that make sense? probably not, but im sticking with it.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sun 23rd Apr 2017 08:35

yes I agree with CBT - especially like the title. Perhaps this needs breaking into two equal length verses, the second starting with 'My eyes return to the sky' - the first half setting the scene whilst the second is more a dialogue with the other person. Nice one Neil.
Colin

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 22nd Apr 2017 20:19

Delightful - vibrant and hopeful in tone, fresh ideas of imagery, and thoughtfully structured. PLUS - a good title.

You have the knack of selecting very engaging details to build the whole, all of them working together. For me, that is an invaluable asset in any writing process, but in the essential brevity of poetry especially.

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