I've no mind to lose
or gain
A mind unused
can feel no pain
- the kind borne out
Of overthought
By minds intense
and overwrought.
Joy, too, is futile,
A fleeting thing
To which the docile
hearts will cling.
So what of me
When all is done?
Actions, many
Feelings, one
For what I know
I knew not then
Those years ago
Before the pen.
Hi Colin,
Many thanks for your feedback. It's funny you mention it because I'd been toying between the two ideas for what seemed like ages before I uploaded this. However, I can now see sense in breaking it up and have done so. Thanks again
Neil
<Deleted User> (13762)
Mon 17th Apr 2017 08:23
excellent writing Neil although I'm struggling with 'Joy, too, is a futile / fleeting fling' - too many f's perhaps? Maybe simplify to 'Joy, too, is futile / A fleeting thing'. Just a thought. Thanks for posting, Colin
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Cynthia Buell Thomas
Sat 22nd Apr 2017 20:04
Glad you took Colin's advice.
I like the discipline in this - a good idea firstly, and then a secure grip on your chosen structure of rhyme and rhythm. It takes both talents to write good verse.