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THE ELEPHANT IN THE GARDEN

He had built a fort for the kids

with wood saved from a skip,

health and safety just a four letter word.

There were heady views over the neighbours,

added extras -

viewing platform

door with no purpose

no safety rails (not an extra).

 

Two old water butts for eyes

with ramps to a different level

like a masterpiece of confusion by Escher.

 

The kids became pirates

on a grounded ship,

stunt men and a maiden

Plastic swords hacked at fresh blossom

and in fantasy the sister was kissed.

 

I grew climbers to shield their view,

waited for a machine gun post,

but no enemy came

so they abused a trampoline,

balls came over the fence

a fusillade.

 

The fort builder split with his wife

the fort slowly rotted

though over - engineered,

viewing platform slumped

an expiring elephant on its knees

grey with age

but still the kids came back for more

a token force on the lookout.

 

They looked out for their Daddy

but he'd retreated on a horse with no name

and his wife didn't understand the game.

◄ TONGUE TWISTER

NORTH BY NORTHWEST ►

Comments

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raypool

Wed 12th Apr 2017 20:22

Thanks all for your as ever in depth comments, and a compliment to my work .
David, I did feel desperately sorry for the kids - I've seen their development from the start, and could sense the traincrash coming. It has taken some patience and tolerance from me! Thanks my friend.
Col. The image of the elephant just sprang to mind, but your idea is brilliant, and I shall pay homage to that by adopting the title. The parallel was inspired by the sheer size and solidity of the fort. You have read in a lot as perceptive writers do. Cheers.

Paul, Good points thank you. The aging factor can be over a short period showing a decline and this certainly applies here. Bittersweet indeed! I am attracted to themes of decay actually.

Bless yer all.

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Paul Waring

Wed 12th Apr 2017 14:53

Ray, another one of your poems that superbly captures something from the past. There is sadness in the story of the rotting fort and the loss of the kids' father that made me think this could be about aging and the bittersweet nature of life in general. Hope this mkeas snese ?

Paul

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 12th Apr 2017 09:27

as David said, a poem which transports one's mind somewhere else - and there is so much rich imagery here that it's not difficult to be transported. Beam me up Ray.

It is sad too, very sad. There are few images sadder than 'an expiring elephant on its knees' and perhaps the elephant is a metaphor for the things that went unsaid or understood between husband and wife. Which makes me think of an alternative title - The Elephant in the Garden.

again, as David said, a great idea for a poem.
Colin

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