One day these kids will show off their past
with photos in frames on mantleshelves
"That's my grandad, I was five"
they'll say
recalling with misty eyes
the heritage railways they visited together
knowing not the torture of those earlier days
when locomotives taught their men a lesson
they'd never forget
of fiery alliances
on reckless rails
leaving home for Scotland
with shovels and grit
tight to the clock
their wives in bed
making light of it.
Sorry Tommy Colin David Austin Kishore and Paul to come back late to this, but I had a birthday and a funeral (same day) and was a bit groggy also.
There are a lot of stimulating views and ideas following this offering. I will try to define my aim with the poem.
The idea was to make it feel personal, so I set up the picture of the child in the picture(now a mature man looking back)talking proudly of his granddad - at this point I didn't think of him necessarily as the driver or fireman -but it absolutely works if he was and gives added depth. The wife in bed therefore may not be this man's wife, but again it works if she was. She is in my mind resigned to his job (no more implied depth than that).
The "torture" is an exaggeration obviously Colin, but I felt it highlighted the dramatic effect as a comparison with the nostalgic rose-tinted heritage view which of course sells tickets and dreams. I know I am a sucker for the footplate experience , I tried it - but Scotland in terms of effort up against the clock would be Herculean. They were responsible for the well being of the engines as well as the passengers. I wanted to give a contrast, a black and white rendition to drive home the poem.
I won't delve into the personal comments , but i'm so delighted it had impact even it might throw up divisions.
I don't think it presented a neat package, but does life ever really do that?
Thank you Tommy for the great compliment , I'll check out your idea of the line format, and maybe come back on it.
Colin: Your ideas are always so fruitful , and I hope I have satisfied your reservations !
David, I was moved by your response, thank you.
Love to all for extending your welcome.
I really do not get the ''confusion'' of text and meaning in some of the posts. To me the piece is ''bleeding'' obvious- even down to the 'wives making light of it' (women have a hard time of it also!).
Hi Ray,
Thanks for posting this, it is touching. To me, your intended message is about how easily the past, in this case the working lives of railwaymen (and maybe one of your family worked on the railways?), can so easily be forgotten.
I saw the kids misty (innocent) recall of the railway museum was as a sort of contrast to that. Having said that, the kids lives may well turn out to be a struggle too, just a different variety of what the railwaymen had to endure. We might assume they have it easy these days but who knows?
The wives are another contrast and I've assumed by "making light of it" you simply mean they were getting on with their own version of life and its challenges.
Ray, this has to be a good poem to have invited so many interpretations using such few words.
Paul
<Deleted User> (13762)
Wed 8th Feb 2017 08:35
This poem and comments leave me a little confused. So with respect to you all I will add my two penneth worth.
'these kids' - will they display photos in frames in the future now that all their memories are stored online? It's a minor point but one I think worth pursuing to add to the comparison of different ages. Maybe the insertion of 'digital' somewhere in the second line might work?
Second verse is perfect but, moving forward into the third verse, are we to assume that Grandad worked on the railways? Because if we are, then can we take his nostalgia with the heritage railway visits as a recalling and sharing of fond memories? And if so, is this not at odds with the 'torture' and teaching 'a lesson' of the job itself? Yes it was hard work, but wouldn't most footplate workers look back with pride at their exciting 'fiery alliances on reckless rails'? And keeping 'tight to the clock' would have been part of that pride, perhaps now lost amongst the wrong type of snow, leaves on the line, signal delays and other overcrowded excuses.
I think verses 3&4 are fine but I question 'torture' and wonder if 'thrill' would work better? For all the hard work it must have been thrilling and the lessons learnt must have been good ones.
And I'm not sure I can agree with David's assumption that the wives were dismissive of their husband's occupations, husbands that worked through the dark on the overnight to Scotland. What were the wives to do but get on with life, sleep and make light of their situation. I'm sure their lives were just as tough in different ways. You just got on with it.
Anyways, with respect to you all, that's my take. A fine poem indeed Ray.
Cheers
Col
Hi Ray,
David's comments are spot on. A real lightness of touch; delicate and understated.
Cheers
fine
Thomas
Wed 8th Feb 2017 02:26
As the previous comments have shared already, you did an exceptional job here, Ray.
Ray, Heaney would be have been proud of this piece. If I may be so bold as to suggest shortening the longer lines in keeping to the tight format of the three and four word lines. Impressed. Tommy
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<Deleted User> (13762)
Thu 9th Feb 2017 16:32
Satisfied my reservations Ray? How could I not be with that lovely reply? ? Hope life settles into a quieter groove for you. Your poem, like the fiery footplate, certainly got us steamed up and sparked our imaginations. Those few small chinks in the narrative allowed through just enough light to bring out some differing interpretations - which I think was a good thing, even if unintentional. All the best to you. Colin.