The Void

by Rafael

Tuesday 17th January 2017 10:23 pm

The corner of 4th street & Montana rests so silently,

You could easily mistaken the buzz from the hovering lamp post

For Brobdinganian wasp hives, busy at work

The corner of 4th street & Montana sits so perfectly still

You could toot and hum your favorite song

And it'd blare out the power of a Royal Orchestra

It's overwhelmingly quiet.

My pulse bangs congas in my ears, and only here

I'm deluged with the truth of our humanoid illusion

We gallop through our time

Self-credited a ruling race

"Gigantic" and "Empowered"

Because we make like we know

But out here - where speech holds no significance or participation

In a motionless, inaudible void; partnered with one mind

We all stand befuddled

Where am I?

Comments

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 18th Jan 2017 12:14

Yikes, caught me out there too Graham! Well I did say it was a tongue twister. I'm not going to attempt to type it again!

Graham Sherwood

Wed 18th Jan 2017 11:56

typos on Mistake and Brobdingnagian. I agree this is an unnecessary tongue-twister, giant or gigantic would be easier (although you use gigantic later) to read.

I love the repetition of 4th Sreet and Montana and wish this piece was longer to allow more repeats which would anchor us to the spot.

Your work is very interesting Rafael, just watch the typos.

Well done,

Graham

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 18th Jan 2017 08:31

yes I like this too Rafael although perhaps the last questioning line is not needed as the poem towards the end is pretty much asking the same and 'we all stand befuddled' would be a great place to end imo.

I do like the buzzing lamp posts / Brobdinganian wasp hives comparison despite Brobdinganian being a bit of a tongue twister to pronounce. And the whole section from 'my pulse' to 'like we know' is excellent.

thanks for posting. Col.

Randall Eckstein

Wed 18th Jan 2017 05:53

Such contrast between the city and the unimaginable void of existence. It strikes me as very philosophical and meta piece. Great job!

Gideon Puccio

Wed 18th Jan 2017 04:14

This is a great poem. I love how you end it especially- the last four lines- perfectly sums it all up. Great piece!

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The Void

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