My struggle is silent, but becoming obvious

In plain sight

I try to find the words to match my thoughts

Yet my tounge gets twisted 

Sometimes I wave my flag before I even attempt

Alienated by my own mind

I lie with my tounge to avoid the words I could not find

My mind paints the most vivid picture 

My hands write like a stenrograhper

Yet I struggle

I get so overwhelmed

I feel so ignored

I never felt things like this before

Everyone wants to hold convo

But I know they dont want to hear my voice

Every conversation I feel like I am talking to myself

Talking to walls and air

While talking to myself in my head

Here I stand trapped again

My mind starts to wonder, it starts racing and racing

Why have I started the act of attempting to share

The thoughts I cannot verbalize

These thoughts of which no one cares 

Yet and still I keep on trying 

Allowing myself to get easily discouraged 

Making myself look and sound dumb

Constantly using the response nothing 

All because of pride

Nothing isn't always nothing

But how could I explain

Then I add fuel to the convo flame

Because my nothing turns my nothing into something

Thats when bystanders get angry

This is the struggle once again

I cannot explain

I mean no pain 

I mean no harm

Yet I've caused something

Simply because I could'nt find the courage to verbalize

It's not the fault of the heart 

'Tis the fault of of my mind

I want to speak and be social

I just cannot stop being consumed by mental

I feel like a mute

All from fear of being misunderstood

Here come the wall closing me in again

Trapped between these walls and my thoughts 

I silently scream help

But no one comes to my rescue

They ridicule and judge 

And I say nothing again

I've drowned into depression 

And reached for my best friend, my white flag