Man Vs Mountain
****Slight Adult Content*****
Off to the dark continent, I've something to do
In the footsteps of Dr. Livingstone, Tarzan & crew
Intrepid explorer, hope the monkeys do behave
Not dragged off, to be made a reluctant simian sex slave
Cousin Louie, yer can get ter fuck
I'm not that way inclined.......yer out of luck
I'm not the King of the swingers, please!, not today!
I put the man in mancub, I'm not an easy lay
Oh, oobee doo, I wanna be like you ou ou
What.....throw more wet poo?
It's not a walk in the park or even Magaluf
A bloody long way up, be well out of puff
Got all me stuff stuffed in an over priced sack
Stocked up on red bull, morphine for me back
Energy gels, blister pads & mozzie sprays
Can't have a shower for 7 whole days!
100 wet wipes, hope their up to the job
Back, sack n crack ..........also me knob.
Left one right one, all around the tip
Me armpits will be fetid, me breath will smell of sick
Sleeping under canvas with a guy I don't know
Hope he likes snoring & farting &............oh no!
If he farts like me I'll be aving some pow wows
Lights off, cock his leg, there goes me eyebrows!
Got me yellow fever malaria pills in case things go terribly wrong
Dioralyte in case I shite & me colons not that strong
I've drank some dodgy water? I think I'll need the loo
Run like hell before the smell, made it whoopty do
Get HIV from mozzie bites? I'm sure that's incorrect
If that's so then the little sluts should have their condoms checked
Moving up Kilimanjaro, from tropical to alpine zone
The cheap fleece from Primark, will chill me to the bone
It's a small step for mancub, if I make it to the top
One giant leap for mankind, 15 blisters n a missing sock
The team of porters & stretcher boys I'll tip them very well
I'll have shat in their well, & complained a lot, & really smell like hell
An adventure to end adventures, a challenge? Of course
200 quid for insurance, helps repatriate me corpse
These boots were made for walkin, & that's just what they'll Oh, oobee doo