Man Vs Mountain

****Slight Adult Content*****

 

Off to the dark continent, I've something to do

In the footsteps of Dr. Livingstone, Tarzan & crew

Intrepid explorer, hope the monkeys do behave

Not dragged off, to be made a reluctant simian sex slave 

Cousin Louie, yer can get ter fuck

I'm not that way inclined.......yer out of luck

I'm not the King of the swingers, please!, not today!

I put the man in mancub, I'm not an easy lay

Oh, oobee doo, I wanna be like you ou ou 

What.....throw more wet poo?

It's not a walk in the park or even Magaluf

A bloody long way up, be well out of puff

 

 

Got all me stuff stuffed in an over priced sack

Stocked up on red bull, morphine for me back

Energy gels, blister pads & mozzie sprays

Can't have a shower for 7 whole days!

100 wet wipes, hope their up to the job

Back, sack n crack ..........also me knob.

Left one right one, all around  the tip

Me armpits will be fetid, me breath will smell of sick

Sleeping under canvas with a guy I don't know

Hope he likes snoring & farting &............oh no!

If he farts like me I'll  be aving some pow wows

Lights off, cock his leg, there goes me eyebrows!

 

Got me yellow fever malaria pills in case things go terribly wrong

Dioralyte  in case I shite & me colons not that strong

I've drank some dodgy water? I think I'll need the loo

Run like hell before the smell, made it whoopty do

Get HIV from mozzie bites? I'm sure that's incorrect

If that's so then the little sluts should have their condoms checked

Moving up Kilimanjaro, from tropical to alpine zone

The cheap fleece from Primark, will chill me to the bone 

It's a small step for mancub, if I make it to the top

One giant leap for mankind, 15 blisters n a missing sock

The team of porters & stretcher boys I'll tip them very well

 I'll have shat in their well, & complained a lot,  & really smell like hell 

An adventure to end adventures, a challenge? Of course

200 quid for insurance, helps repatriate me corpse 

 

These boots were made for walkin, & that's just what they'll Oh, oobee doo

 

 

◄ Going Now

They Said, I Said, She Said ►

Comments

Andromeda

Sun 1st Jan 2017 04:20

Haha this is quite the peice. Disgusting in the best of ways!

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Jeff

Sat 31st Dec 2016 13:33

Hahaha....thanks for reading. Climbing 26th Jan 2017.....have condoms for the mozzies, & monkeys.....Jeff

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Rose Casserley

Sat 31st Dec 2016 12:26

I was so absolutely fucking discustard at reading this,that I had to unzip the mouthpart on my gimp suit to scream in annoyance.I did not find it one little bit funny-I found it humungously fucking hilarious! what time are you due back in the sanatorium Jeff?



Rose 🎃

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