1.The things we say

 

I suspect we are all guilty

Of saying things that just don’t make sense.

There are, of course, those oxymoronic little sayings

We all trot out every now and again.

I am guilty as charged, it’s an open secret

Old news if you will and, I would bet,

Even odds you have done it too.

 

So, whilst I silently scream and think “good grief”,

I do still find it seriously funny,

A rib-tickler if you will, about the daft things we say.

There are other obvious ones too;

Military Intelligence, Microsoft Works,

Free love, Liquid gas, Hot chilli etc.

But I must be clearly confused.

 

I suppose I could go on ad Infinitum, but,

On reflection, I probably couldn’t.

I do have the impatience of youth to try and blame

But, sadly, I am a youth no more, so no joy there.

I have the tolerance of a bear, with a very sore head.

Tell me, just how does a bear get a very sore head?

Surely marmalade sandwiches are really quite light.

 

I could sleep like a log (do logs sleep?)

Get out of bed on the wrong side?

Now I reckon if you do that, your bed is against a wall

In which case you wouldn’t get out of bed at all

But you may end up being like a bear with a sore head

Or, then again, perhaps,

You were just in the wrong bed all the time.

 

I am told I have “Salt and Pepper” hair these days,

I guess I’ll just have to take the condiments as they flow.

I am also told I am “Daft as a brush”, but I ‘aint telling Basil – he wouldn’t be happy.

I would also swear blind that most people I know

That swear, are not blind at all.

I am usually as “bright as a button”, but at my age

I wear Cardigans with zips or wear jumpers.  No buttons required.

 

Still, I am as “Proud as punch” most of the time

(depending on who is doing the punching) and,

Even when I am as “Drunk as a Skunk”, I try to imagine

Just exactly what a drunk skunk actually looks like.

Sounds like fun though.

But that also led me to believe that the Newts

May have a very unfair reputation.

 

Someone told me that cats have 9 lives.

Try telling that to Tiddles.

The lorry took him out first time.

I think I was sold a Pup on that one.

Anyway, must go, as my pint glass is definitely half-empty

And not half-full at all.

Who is getting the next round in anyway?