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these are streets of your neighbourhood
and i walk them without you
as you cast me out beyond hope
for being sad, about things, that happened long ago
and in circuits, i make course
through parks that are dangerous
in these hours of the night
where the lonesome are scattered - much like junk
and their confessions are littered, in stacks
by the closed doors of the lord
very light of what could be treated dark. therefore very real. glad you didn't go for 'poignant' or wistful as some would have done.
to steve black & you..the three line before those three are priceless. so that makes 6 lines that hit the mark. Did I say 6? How about:"as you cast me out beyond hope"!!!
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garside
Mon 31st Aug 2009 08:51
Hi Emily,
read this a few times and like - the take off at the end is subtle and discreet dawring the poem to a close
would consider breaking the lines up - as i read the poem it lends itself to this possiblility -
these are the streets
of your neighbourhood
and i walk them
without you
steve