I heard that only
heaven knows the lonely souls
anchored to earth in silence
while their words like
free bodies in motion
lift upward into civil air space
and flare then extinguish like floating embers
at contact with the electrified field
that guards human-breathable atmosphere..
An superb thought stretched into these captivating few lines. Poetry defined. A real pleasure to find.
this is excellent. i love the sense of flight and lifting you get from the poem. im really interested in this idea of floating, of leaving your body and manifesting in the consciousness of time and space. usually when i write about it, it ends up messy and 'cosmic', almost new age. you use language here which grounds the poem but still leaves me with the sense of something more than just the literal, physical act of flying. if this made no sense i apologise, i have just eaten a massive bar of chocolate and have a sugar high.
<Deleted User> (13762)
Fri 26th Aug 2016 05:45
With just a few dozen words seamlessly formed into one long sentence you have conveyed an electric otherworldly atmosphere, an ethereal dream-like state and an almost frightening sense of our own fragility. You have then anchored it all in a place we can relate to and left us staring up at the sky as if witnessing the end of a fireworks display. Superb writing elP.
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elPintor
Sun 28th Aug 2016 00:44
Wow..
Hey, Colin. I'm pleased you noticed the structure. It isn't the first I've done in this manner. I kept thinking about fiddling with the punctuation after I put it up, but decided against it. Anyhow, I don't have a lot of words to describe some things. I hope things are going well in your travels out West, there..
Stu, I'm pretty sure your comment makes perfect sense..the metaphysical and unseen manifestations of our relationships to the world around us is pretty interesting to me, also. Though, the sensation of floating kinda makes my stomach roll.
And, Cynthia..thanks so much. I'm somewhat new to making my writing public and find this forum to be very encouraging.
Thanks all..very generous comments..
elP