Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Words

entry picture

Words like tides

wax and wane

each new day washed clean

pulled by paper moon

on foreign shores made vain

 

 

When light fades

day is done

our deeds stand moated

unconquered castles

in the dying sun

◄ Red Shoes

Poem for Alvin ►

Comments

Deborah Jordan Bailey

Wed 26th Aug 2009 20:41

I love this Isobel x

Yolande

Sun 16th Aug 2009 17:30

I so agree with this concept. It reminds me much of my Granny and her philosophy of casting her bread upon the waters.
Yolande

Profile image

Isobel

Sat 15th Aug 2009 22:59

I would love your suggestions Anthony. I struggled with the last line of the first verse, wanting it to be one syllable shorter but not managing it without losing the meaning.
Your lesser known nursery rhyme is incredibly sad and curiously insightful...

<Deleted User> (5646)

Sat 15th Aug 2009 14:18

Lovely Isobel.

Janet.x

Profile image

Anthony Emmerson

Sat 15th Aug 2009 13:41

Hi Isobel,

Thanks for your recent comments on "Edge." they are always much appreciated. I read this when you first posted it, but wanted to take some time to consider it before commenting. It reminds me of one of the perhaps lesser-known nursery rhymes:

A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds
And when the weeds begin to grow
It's like a garden full of snow
And when the snow begins to fall
It's like a bird upon the wall
And when the bird away does fly
It's like an eagle in the sky
And when the sky begins to roar
It's like a lion at the door
And when the door begins to crack
It's like a stick across your back
And when your back begins to smart
It's like a penknife in your heart
And when your heart begins to bleed
You're dead, and dead, and dead indeed.

in its sentiments at least. It's impressively succinct and condensed (how I wish I could do short!) I could offer a few suggestions - if you wish, but they are fairly minor and I don't want to be seen to nitpick without invitation. Can I presume you had fun building sandcastles in Ibiza? Damn - and here's me thinking that it was the island of sex and drugs and rock'n roll. :-)
Regards,
A.E.

Profile image

winston plowes

Fri 14th Aug 2009 23:15

bravo, nice condensed words here. Win x

Profile image

Dave Bradley

Fri 14th Aug 2009 15:11

I liked this a lot Isobel. As Andy says, a change in style, but nothing wrong with that. You are saying something so true here and saying it memorably. More! x

Profile image

shoeless

Fri 14th Aug 2009 12:43

like the new poem , my attention span is short so less is always more for me :)

good to see you get your poem out last night enjoyed it .

Profile image

Cate Greenlees

Fri 14th Aug 2009 11:34

I would agree with this Isobel. Words can be , and often are, misinterpreted. Actions count, and cannot undone.
Cate xx

Profile image

Andy N

Fri 14th Aug 2009 08:20

nice change in style there, chuck.. I like it and think it packs a bit off a punch! x

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message