the key

new dawn

salt blue slate grey

push my head down under water

see me                 bobbing

feel me                                reaching

save me bright light release me

from sin i am saved

then you played my favourite song

as we danced in a circle

around

and around

each step

as waves

each hand

held tight

flowing silk

flowing water

we all

raise

    our voices

   to the air

                 now unlock my mind

                                                           so that

                   i might serve the one

                                                           true god

baptismconcrete poetrykey

◄ fire dance

congratulations on leaving your bed ►

Comments

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Stu Buck

Wed 27th Jul 2016 01:44

Thanks both. I think concrete is a crap name for the style of poetry but that's what people call it weirdly

elPintor

Wed 27th Jul 2016 00:49

you know Stu, I would've taken "concrete" to mean quite something else, but this will do..There are those of us visual learners who will appreciate shape more than others (possibly)..I also liked the idea of pure worship, though, it is as one god above all others where humans tend to contrive all kinds of ideas..I think of REM "Losing My Religion"..I have definitely lost mine as the world would have told it to me..

Great piece,

elP

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Martin Elder

Tue 26th Jul 2016 23:06

Excellent as usual Stu. A great format and poem

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Stu Buck

Tue 26th Jul 2016 21:33

thanks ray. yes, same experience, it was known as the key to the soul, hence the pleasing shape. concrete poetry (the quite shit name for this kind of picture poetry) is not something i had done before but it is darn fun i must say. i formatted this in the text box above which was a grind because the version on word (all beautifully formatted) didnt paste well in to here. to get it perfect meant it looking really odd before posting, so i ended up editing it blind about 20 times before it was right. i have since discovered i can print the screen, paste in to photoshop and cut and copy the individual phrases but, of course, it would save as an image and i wouldnt be able to show it off on here.

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raypool

Tue 26th Jul 2016 21:16

This is great Stu. In this format it contains and solidifies all the raw material that bind the thoughts together and focus the mind in a certain way. Gotta try this myself dammit!!
I seem to recall a poem you wrote a long while ago about an early experience with baptism or a religious group (not sure now).

Ray

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