daybreak

nine thirty

wake up

two paracetemol

two ibuprofen

one can tenants

ready to go

bus to town

key of ketamine on the way

headphones on

talking heads

endless triumphal drums

songs about houses

bus stop

bum a smoke

get to town

three pints in spoons

meet up with joe

no money left

no problem joe gives me it on tick

joe says there is a party tonight if i’m down

i’m down

three more pints

go to party

neck three pills before i go in

endless triumphal drums

neon and strobe and pounding

meet some cool people

talk shit

lose cool people

end up on a couch talking about how star wars

really meant something

man

smoke a fatty

find a girl outside

she is dark

covered in blood and sick

i can’t cope

go back inside

its quiet

neck three pills

find the music

stay there for a while

squirming to intangible bass

its hot

i need water

i find more beer

that is fine

i go back outside

hear whispering and crying

find joe

joe says shit has gone down

girl from earlier is dead on the patio

sniffed heroin

overdosed

i light up a smoke

make my way home

stop at the shop

pick up vodka and razor blades

most of the vodka is gone by the time i start cutting

i cut for the dead girl

i cut for my mum

i cut because it is the only way i will ever have control over my life

once i have bled enough i drink the rest of the vodka

i clean myself up

unless you looked behind my knees

you would never know

set the alarm for half nine

stretch out on the floor

light a smoke

wait for the sun to explode through my curtains

wait to be cleansed in its fire.