The Depths of Stillness.
When there’s nothing left but an empty heart
When all thats left will pull you apart
When you look at the sun and see a cloud
And look at a cloud and feel despair.
You turn a corner and see a hill.
And what they offer is just a pill.
And the pain you feel, that, just can’t kill.
All you can do is sit very very very still.
When you try to run its a tiny step
You run an inch and it feels a mile.
Your face is hardened into a smile.
Every word is a tear sent trial.
When your back aches with enforced stillness.
And your heart breaks with constant illness.
And airs dragged down with each ragged breath.
And scared of that constant accompanying death.
So then you look at the highest bridge
And you sense the depths of deepest despair
And you look at rope and bannister
And your counting the pills maybe left there
The beauty thats there parades before blind eyes
The voices of support hammer on hardened ears
The waves of love foundering on deaths breakwaters
And written words of love are in the wrong language.
So you hold yourself very very very still
And try not to be noticed in an empty room
By people who you won’t let through the door
And the phone rings and shrivels your heart.
And after months of stillness sometimes years
You learn to curse yourself for the stillness
For being the bastard who won’t share
For trying to act as if you don’t care.
And time upon time you ask yourself why
And always you wander as you sit and cry
About that lack of movement or healthy comment
And you realise that the total stillness upon stillness
And massive silence and hard held breath
Is styled imitation of a longed for death.
Still still still day.
Stiller then yesterday.
Yesterday was still.
Today is still stiller still.
Don't move, don't stir.
Just be still.
Just be there.