Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Of Starlings

Autumn sky where the evening sun sets low

Burnishing the clouds with a golden glow

Streaking the heavens in strange gyration

A roiling and flowing murmuration

Of starlings.

 

Myriad birds in swooping unison

Wondrous vision without comparison

In search of a roosting place for the night

Enjoy the exuberant joyous flight

Of starlings.

 

They dip and they soar and turning they glide

As in a choreographed unit tied

On such an evening we can set the clocks

To the spiralling sight of flaring flocks

Of starlings.

 

As deepening dusk takes a firmer hold

They perch together to elude the cold

A multitude of feathery flutter

Settling down and join in the chatter

Of starlings.

 

Congregating in their communal need

To gather gossip of a place to feed

Then rise again in early dawning light

To repeat again the diurnal rite

Of starlings.

◄ Poets Anonymous

Storm ►

Comments

Profile image

Trevor Alexander

Wed 23rd Mar 2016 12:53

Thanks for your comment Cynthia. I guess I'm a bit wedded to the pentameter in the first four lines of these stanzas. When I read it through originally, I was checking I got the syllable count right. It might indeed scan better as you suggest - I'll give it some thought.

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 23rd Mar 2016 11:15

Much enjoyed, a fine picture of the captivating event.

When you are developing your lines, may I suggest that you read them aloud for smooth flow. For example:

'Then rise again in dawning light
To repeat again the diurnal rite
Of starlings.'

All I have done is omit 'early', which makes a little hiccup in the rhythm without adding anything outstanding to the whole idea. Just an opinion that carries no more weight than that. I'm looking forward to going back and reading more of your work.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message