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IN THE SHOWER

I am in the shower

hosing down the treasured carcase.

The water dances, gives itself

in a minor moment.

 

Pillars and steps, entrances to this older generation

are once more given respect, yet why?

for soon in full view of the

rolling conundrum of time and space

this carcase will die back

 

but while it holds a name

an intention

a history

the feeling is acceptable,

 

and the water is dancing then disappears

with a glistening goodbye

and with the drying off

an imperceptible sigh.

◄ LOVE TRIANGLE

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Comments

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Stu Buck

Fri 11th Sep 2015 18:03

certainly does. first person present tense really conveys an immediacy and personal nature that i love, especially live. im not an academic, nor do i approach poetry in that way, so i find all this language analysis and metres a bit dull (has its place but im more interested in the stand up and shout side of poetry). you certainly are in a fine vein of form, something i am currently lacking!

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raypool

Fri 11th Sep 2015 17:59

cheers, Stu. I'm in full flow at the moment, but that sounds like a pun! Lots of stuff about the wrong end of life though - hope it' not a premonition!! I am enjoying using the present tense a bit, does that do it for you?

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Stu Buck

Fri 11th Sep 2015 16:38

nice observations on age and death. lovely metaphor in the last verse, and one that people don't need a doctorate in language to decipher (its a compliment).

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